Thursday, April 12, 2007

Smouldering----Poetry Thursday

This week Poetry Thursday suggests the use of any line from a poem written by any one of us and left here to be used by others in their poems. We have done this before. Once you select a line, it gets easy. I enjoyed doing it again.

I take the line left by Beaman from his poem Prisoner X.

*I had left it untitled---for want of a title. I had titled it Iniquity. I thought it does not work that well. Suggestions for a title were solicited...:D
As per comments, my blogger friends came up with many titles.

I take brian's suggestions. Thats fits perfectly well. Here goes:


Smouldering...

My eyes slowly followed any small
movement in that crowded room.
There I saw him leaning against the wall,
his eyes all for the woman at his side-
voluptuous curves with empty looks.

Across the assemblage of people;
I scrutinized them through veiled eyes,
jealousy pouring through me akin to
molten lava, smiling countenance
hiding those hateful vitriolic reflections.

Vividly the past months passed through
in my mind, as in old faded photographs-
sepia tinted images of our time together;
this had meant the world for me. Now broken
dreams lay wrecked on the boulevard of time.

Softening my stance discernibly;
wiping all expression from my face,
conditioning myself not to overreact
I made a calculated move towards them,
where they stood oblivious to the world.

When he noticed me at last, shock
went through him, he lost out on words.
I was not one to lose out my cool,
all of a sudden with no premonition
with a voice unheard even by me,

trapped in shadowed box of iniquity;
I spoke out with quiet deliberation,
“darling, it was good to make out in
office today. Shall I wait for you
tonight after you drop her home?”

............................................................

Click for more on the use of poetic lines.

40 comments:

Pauline said...

Such a "get-even" ending! You captured jealousy perfectly with this line: "jealousy pouring through me akin to molten lava"

Brian said...

Loverly. I like the smoldering emotion and vivid thoughts.

A title?

How about.... "Smoldering".

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

Very much the green-eyed poetry. The line you used is wonderful because jealousy does trap all the parties in honey.

As for a title, how about "Honey Bear".

Rose

xo

Beaman said...

What a final bite! The ending is marvellous. You used the line of mine very well. :) Wonderfully in fact.
My favourite description however is this - "Now broken
dreams lay wrecked on the boulevard of time."
It sparks images in my mind that are quite magical but melancholy also. 'The Scream' painting comes to mind.

Yes, by all means link back and I will link to your site later too. :)

Rav`N said...

you've portrayed jealousy and the need to lash out in very pretty words. nice job

Clockworkchris said...

So emotional and full of jealousy. I love anyone who uses the word volumptuous, because it means so many different things depending on the person who is reading it. My favorite line was "akin to molten lava."

etain_lavena said...

well done, I loved it as I do all your poems so far:)
How about: Lusting for Iniquities.

magiceye said...

superb!

desert rat said...

Ooh, that ending was harsh but excellent. Perfect little portrait of bitter jealousy.

Cocaine Jesus said...

green with envy. neatly encasculated.

Homo Escapeons said...

OUCH!
MEOW!
HISS!
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

LOVE IT!

Anne said...

I love it, especially the ending.

gautami tripathy said...

pauline: isn't jealousy like molten lava? Destroying self too.

brian: I can consider "smouldering". It fits!

rose: well you are right there, honey bear!

beaman: I was thinking I did not do much justice to such a strong lin of yours. Thanks that you like it.

rav'n: Jealousy is one strong emotion. It makes us behave irratically.

chris: thanks. I like that line too, along with "Now broken
dreams lay wrecked on the boulevard of time."

etain: Thanks. I will think about it.

magiceye: thanks.

desert rat: welcome here. Thanks. Jealosy can make us do anything.

cocaine: thanks.

donn/h.e.: Glad you like it. You got that so right.

anne: thanks. I like the ending too..:D

Regina Clare Jane said...

Oh, wonderfully biting, Gautami... I could feel the tenseness of the situation and the final blow at the end...
You have done well, my friend...

Rethabile said...

Jealousy is painful business isn't it? I like brian's suggestion for a title.

polona said...

wow! powerful write! ouch...
i kind of like "smoldering" too...

Ron said...

Nicely done! Enjoyed the end so much.

Tina With Wings said...

Your peom is fantastic- you have such beautiful control of words!

By the way, I used your line in my PT poem this week:

here

pepektheassassin said...

"Boulevard of Time"?

sage said...

Nice "cruel" ending that had me laughing. I posted another poem today.

Remiman said...

Gautami,
You've portrayed the vivid image of twarted lust perfectly here. and the ending was delicious!
title: Sublimated Rage.
rel

...deb said...

Revenge is sweet in this case. I loved all the "V" words and sounds in this.

Revenge Unveiled ?

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

What a biting poem ... the poetic bitterness realised in the last stanza. Brilliant, JP

Steve said...

Hauntingly, beautiful.

gautami tripathy said...

regina: thanks. I was not very happy with it initially as I thought I couldn't do justice to beaman's line.

rethabile: I am considering that. Smoulldering describes it rather well.

polona: you too? So...

ron: thanks.

tine with wings: Thanks. I will go and chk yours.

pepek: That sounds good too!!

sage: Great! Jealousy makes you laugh? Hmmm..:D.I already read yours and left comments.

rel: Much thanks. I like to write poems with twisted ends.

deb: Thanks. I never realised I used so many 'V' words. They fit in.

deborah: Thanks. For saying it is a biting poem. Love the feel!

steve: thanks. You are dioing great on your blog too. Keep up with the poetry month.

Pat Paulk said...

That was perfect!!! I can see shock turning to terror. Well done!!

Norma said...

I love that spot where the inner iniquitous voice just oozed up with no warning.

Thanks for joining in on the fun of my parody of bad poetry for PT yesterday. Today, I've let the muse out of the closet.

Our infectious lifestyle.

writerwoman said...

Intense! Love last few lines.

Kavi said...

That was a neat ! The final twist was awesome !

gautami tripathy said...

pat: Thanks. It does, doesn't it?

*grin*

norma: Thanks. That voice has a mind of its own

writerwoman: thanks.

kavi: thanks. Welcome here!

firebird said...

This is like a novel--tempting to read between the lines into the rest of the story-- "Tune in for the nest installment to see what happens next!"
But then, it stands on its own so well...
And I do like the choice of title!

floots said...

i can feel those claws :)
well done

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

what a story!

Anonymous said...

I've been discussing jealousy yesterday!?:) A perfect portrayal ...
of a mighty demon!?:)

Borut

Fragmentsinsight said...

Oh this is wonderful. Very vivid imagery and a very vicious ending. Smoldering tension indeed. Perfect.

Anonymous said...

oh this was so very yummy..your choice of words wonderful..I was in that room watching this tableau of metered revenge...just so wonderfully wicked..loved it..madd

Anonymous said...

sorry blogger wont let me leave comments unless I am being anonymous..maybe they know something I don't..:), thanks for the stop by..take care..madd

gautami tripathy said...

firebird: I am being persuaded to write a novel using free verse by someone who loves structured poetry. He is a master of the English language.

I think I will consider his suggestion.

floots: Well, thanks. Did those claws hurt?

andrew: Thanks..:D

borut: The green eyed monster has destroyed many a person.

fragment: Thanks.

madd: Blogger is sometimes crazy. You don't worry. Just leave your name after commenting. Thanks!

Marcia said...

A person of my own heart. I wrote a similar but totally different poem recently and yours just made my day! I was right there with you, not sure which ending you would chose, and I lived it with you! Brian's title fit well, I am glad you chose it.

giggles said...

Wow this packed a punch!!! Wonderful foreshadowing down the path of revenge! Composed and all!! Well done…

Peace Giggles