Monday, August 27, 2007

scattered cinders-----Monday Poetry Train

grey dust from the wooden table
coats his sleeve. he wipes
it on his trousers
barely aware of it.

he is in the midst
of making a point to her
by his never ending tirade.
opaque dust depicts

their non-existing relationship.
irritating screeching sound
gets to her fragile nerves.
dry old flowers enhances

the drab way their life is going.
his droning voice makes her sleepy.
closing herself with open eyes,
she feels a pang for lost love.

only for a moment.
she fingers her name
on the thick dust
setting herself free-

to touch the untamed cinder
of sun streaks
scattered on the dusty floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To read more poetry on a busy Monday, click poetry train..

31 comments:

Y said...

"their non-existing relationship.
irritating screeching sound
gets to her fragile nerves.
dry old flowers enhances"

i love the way you paint this picture. I can see it all in my head.

floots said...

dust - we all have our layers
it can be a nuisance
or
it can contain messages and memories
really like this one gautami
thank you

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

oh boy. this one hits home. i can relate powerfully to these emotions. this stanza was both beautiful and shivery:
"only for a moment.
she fingers her name
on the thick dust
setting herself free-"

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm intrigued. Why are these people together if their relationship is nonexistent? I can think of so many possibilities!

As for poodle skirts, they are a type of skirt that was popular in the 1950s. Here's a link to a Halloween costume page that has a variety of 1950s styles:
http://www.halloweencostumes4all.com/50scostumes.html

Pat Paulk said...

Gautami, I love this!! Dust makes a wonderful metaphor. Well done!!

Amy Ruttan said...

Very vivid descriptions. You did very well at the imagery. I loved it.

T.A.Chase said...

Gautami,

This poem is wonderful. I love the feeling of sadness, but also hope that some day she'll find her way free.

"Closing herself with open eyes" is my favorite line.

MissMeliss said...

I really like this poem. Great imagery.

Jill said...

So close, but still the distance between the two is great!
Nothing in common, but then, they are still in front of each other!
Greatly done!!

R.G. ALEXANDER said...

I love how you used the dust! Beautiful gautami.

julia said...

"his droning voice makes her sleepy.
closing herself, with open eyes"

Really well-drawn characters and emotion, Gautami.

Brian said...

I was wondering what a poetry train was, I thought you had to use cinders. :)

People change, love fades, sometimes it's tragic not to move on.

Lisa Andel said...

I've got to agree with Rhian's choice of passage. Very nicely done Gautami.

polona said...

another powerful poem, gautami.
love it.

Christine said...

"only for a moment.
she fingers her name
on the thick dust
setting herself free-"

I love the imagery in this poem and the section above gave me shivers.

Mine's up too.

Frank Parker said...

Great ending, I really like the last two lines. Thanks - Frank

Fledgling Poet said...

What a beautiful and vivid poem...I just loved it. Especially these two lines:

closing herself with open eyes,
she feels a pang for lost love.


So powerful! Her eyes are open, but she's closed her heart.

Ann said...

Beautiful imagery, wonderful poem. Thank you.

Keshi said...

Nice new template girl...


**she feels a pang for lost love.

I feel that way all the time..

Keshi.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

wonderful work -- you're always so interesting. :)

Lahari Chatterji said...

The poem was expressive,especially the last paragraph.

Borut said...

Life can be like that...

homo escapeons said...

How far we have fallen. We were created out of Stardust however 99% of the dust in your house is actually dead skin. Yecch!

She should run away because life is too short to waste in a loveless limbo. She needs a little something on the side.

If they are going to stick it out they should take turns cleaning the house on alternate weeks so that it won't be so dusty.

colleen said...

He makes a point and she uses the point of her finger to spell her own name and be released from the prison of his speech. It's moody and intriguing.

Ghost Particle said...

Like reading a book...memories remain. A great reflection for all of us, what a relation may be. beautiful.

just another face said...

hi gautami...got your link from trinitystar...though am not an avid blogger thoroughly enjoyed the poetry and the writing here..

will come back for more reads

AscenderRisesAbove said...

poetry train and fiction friday; it looks like you have found some nice places to replace the poetry thursday urges - i am really going to miss that place.

odessa said...

i really love this line:
"closing herself with open eyes".

it carries so much nuances in such a short string of words. the use of dust metaphor is brilliant.

dsnake1 said...

hey gautami, this is very good. layers of meanings here, and i am not just talking about the dust.

and i love the ending.

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

So many images were powerful here. "Closing herself with open eyes" is an awesome line... just awesome.

And last night the moon was casting streaks of light across my husband's shoulder and arm as he lay sleeping, so your last line gave me goosebumps, though he wasn't "dusty".

"to touch the untamed cinder
of sun streaks scattered on the dusty floor."

Michelle Johnson said...

I can't believe I didn't comment on this earlier in the week. 'closing herself with open eyes' is a powerful line. It puts me in the mind of that movie title Eyes Wide Shut. I understand that the two have nothing in common though.

I feel like this is a poem about a couple working through all the hardships in a marriage. Finding oneself in the end is very powerful. Thanks for sharing.

Michelle Johnson