Monday, October 01, 2007

severence---Monday Poetry Train

i am exiting
in maladroit motion
as i did
so many months ago.

i speculate
what have you done
where have you gone
stretching the hours

for miles, for dreams
beyond my reach.
we ought to have
known this, you and i.

you did not envisage
how parting would fill
my imagination to the
point of collapse.

i stopped dreaming in shade
or in image and sound.
yet i see deeply, further
enough into this distance

to connect skewed view
to string stars
toward each direction
i have ever known.

..now i walk alone..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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19 comments:

Jill said...

Great poem.
I see courage through the sadness...

Whitesnake said...

You will never be alone.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Wow.
Right away this reminded me of The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

So beautiful. But you know, it takes the pleasure and the pain to give it balance and make it so.

Completed... begin again.

*Hugs*
Scarlett & Viaggiatore

By the way, I was nominated for the third addition for the Shameless Lions story and have posted that today.

floots said...

you handle the topic
(be it fact or fiction)
so well gautami
powerful and oh so true
thank you

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

i loved this "i speculate
what have you done
where have you gone
stretching the hours
for miles, for dreams
beyond my reach."
And the last line is one i've pondered often - because no matter who flows through our lives inside outselves we always walk alone, right?

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

It must be hard to walk away and alone.

Rose

xo

paisley said...

endings are most often not visable at the start,, they do not show themselves usually until the last stone has been cast... and then,, it is too late...

very well written... i really liked this one...

Lisa Andel said...

i speculate
what have you done
where have you gone
stretching the hours

for miles, for dreams
beyond my reach.


Bad move. Though it's what most people do, it's not very good for the spirit.

julia said...

'yet i see deeply, further
enough into this distance

to connect skewed view
to string stars
toward each direction
i have ever known.'

Love those closing lines. I've been there absolutely.

Mike Davis said...

The final line is the clincher and for me that's always the measure of great poetry.

get zapped said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
get zapped said...

A gorgeous poem, stringing stars - so splendid. Thank you.

Joy Renee said...

this captures the essence of a parting of the ways, whether of lovers, friends, or community.

at times like that the imagination weighs heavy with speculation, like a blue star on the point of imploding

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Sometimes, we're better off alone even though we wonder about what we left behind...

boneman said...

I know this is going to seem out of place.
And, that's because it is out of place. I just came by t'see yer last 3WW and I liked it...
except for one lil thing.
At the end, you wrote about how it was unfinished and you didn't know if you would continue it.
But, that's none of your reader's business.
We could go with not knowing.
It isn't criticism at all, either.

Cezanne left several pieces unfinished, found after his death, but, then, some were done with his new technique, his original experimentation.
Not knowing doesn't take from the experience.
Knowing the status of "unfinished" does.

Keshi said...

I hv stopped dreaming n expecting em all to come true...but I havent stopped dreaming altogether.

Great poem sweetz!

Keshi.

Amy Ruttan said...

Awesome Poem. Very brave to walk alone in the face of sadness.

Danika / OpenChannel said...

Gautami - you always have such a lovely way of stringing words and rhythms together. I always appreciate your line breaks. I especially like:

i am exiting
in maladroit motion


and

you did not envisage
how parting would fill
my imagination to the
point of collapse.


I actually disagree with Mike. I would remove the last line "now I walk alone." It takes the power away from the beautiful previous stanza, which is quite strong.
It explains your poem, when the poem does the job itself already. I don't need to be told you walk alone, I just need to read the poem.

polona said...

powerful