Thursday, February 07, 2008

Packed and Delivered---Totally Optional Prompts

Package arrived in the late afternoon, around lunchtime.
He was glad that there was no one else to see him sign for it
Valentine day was round the corner.
He wanted to surprise here with this particular gift.
What woman could resist the shiny sheen
After thirty-seven years, he knew her inside out, her interests, her likes, dislikes
With the thoughts of giving this mystery gift to her, familiar feelings warmed his insides
He opened the packaged, touched it, admiring the craftsmanship
Held in his hand, swirled it, appreciative of the finishing
He could not wait to get home, see the astonished look in her eyes before she closed it
It was a dream present by any standards

Day passed so slow like dawn ascending from darkness in a rain filled cloudy night
The package burned a hole in his jacket pocket.
Anticipation was almost killing him
Driving with maddening pace, he arrived before the grand party
Turned the key, he felt day light knocked out him
He fell on the creamy tiles, his splattered brains trickling over, colouring those bright red
He was never to know, she had ordered a similar package, containing the slickest of guns.

“She got to him, before he got to her”

25 comments:

b said...

I love free verse. But I always want more...how did your mind go to that place? Or was there something that made you want to tell more about a story you already knew?

I liked it a lot.

I am adding you to my favorite blogs. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.

b

writerwoman said...

Your I promise blogroll list is now up at PWB. Check it out and, if you can, comment on the blogs tommorow. Hope you enjoy this program. It is a nice way to meet more poets.

Thanks for taking part.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Wow! You kept me guessing right to the last line. I would never have suspected that final twist! Phew!

Brian said...

You blew me away with that ending Gautami.

((((hugs))))

Pat Paulk said...

What a twist!!! He didn't even get to ask what, or why, or maybe he knew... Fantastic!!

Christy said...

This is definately a thriller with a surpise ending, much enjoyed the read.

UL said...

oh brilliant! you really got to me, played my imagination before I got to you!!! I loved it.

jillypoet said...

Hey Gautami, for more info on Patchwork Poetry, check this out: Patchwork Thursday

You're welcome to participate! The more the merrier. Just use lines from the poems offered for this weeks patchwork poem, then create your own.

Any questions, email me jillypoet@verizon.net

lissa said...

that was a shocking ending! I thought it was something sweet in that package but oh you surprised me!

Thinking aloud said...

that was such a surprise ending indeed! didn't see THAT coming...great writing, gautami, as usual :)

paisley said...

oh i love it!!! what a twist!!!

anthonynorth said...

Brilliant twist at the end, there. Didn't see it coming at all. Kind of a mini-St Valentine's Day Massacre :-)

Revathi said...

Great Gautami. mysterious and thrilling it was. Can I also blogroll you?

Thanks for your neat comments on 'magic', i am a total wannabe writer :)

Sherry said...

Wow!!! Talk about a surprise -- I really thought it was a beautiful gift -- great ending!!!

sister AE said...

good job!

Jo said...

Quite the mystery ending......kerpow!

tumblewords said...

Blown away! Good job....

Linda Jacobs said...

You got me again! I expected it to be something nice! Excellent teaser!

Shuba D said...

Great storytelling...Will check out more now..

Whitesnake said...

That's the shot!

Pauline said...

gosh - that must have been a marriage made in hell! You followed the prompt to a t!

Richrd said...

Yeow, creepy, and I was sure it was lingerie. another one of your surprise endings.

sage said...

wow, what a twist at the end

polona said...

wow, what a story!

Fox said...

This poem is a tease!

But delicious. It may be my general agitation with Valentine's Day, but I promptly fell in love with this poem. I reread it about four times, re-checking for some clue as to what the mystery present was.

I am particularly fond of the quick twist ending. Lingering on the death, I think, would have made the impact less. The startled response is still present at the end of the poem.

Well done!