Thursday, February 14, 2008

a remnant of violence staring out of nought



aren't you going to save those precious tears

falling on sidewalks in this rain
sparkling into thousands of pieces
before disintegrating into underground drains
muck in the sewage might trap those
soul of tears would split, stinking
cleansing away blood and gore
a remnant of violence staring out of nought
mythically disproportionate
to marauders plundering
numbness induced by shock
stroke the memories like a flame
dear editors, why would you even bother to look
over your mugs of black coffee tasting so sinful
you might as well let the saviour fall
plummeting between two towering rock mountains
splintering into thousand deaths
while you entertain the powers to be
indulging them for your selfish needs

The lines taken for patchwork poetry in the order from Mariacristina, paisley, sara and jillypoet.

17 comments:

Truefaith1963 said...

That was amazing - very powerful.
Happy Valentines day btw!

Bill said...

hard to do . . .
her tears dissolving
in the mist

Ghost Particle said...

this form is unique, learning many many new things here.

the remnants of violence,
when does violence cease to be present,
and disappear into the memory,
to be a remnant?
when the pain never goes.

hows u Gautami?

Melody said...

This little piece is so full of emotions, well done.

Happy Valentine's Day, Gautami!

Christine said...

A very skillfull blending of the lines, and then forming the poem into a letter. I like how you begin the poem with a question, and a beautiful image,then lead the reader toward more dismal images.

Pat Paulk said...

From line to blog to line, i love it!!

Brian said...

A powerful indictment of apathy.

polkadotwitch said...

happy valentines day! as i read your piece, i didn't recognize some of the lines and thought i must not have read the originals carefully enough, but then i think you've connected the patchwork lines with new original lines, is that right? or did i completely miss it? (it happens but sometimes i have to ask stupid questions when i'm curious about other poets' processes) :)

i really like the line: "you might as well let the saviour fall"

/t. said...

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/t.

tumblewords said...

Clever job of combination...the words ring true and the thoughts are vivid. Nice read!

lissa said...

it's hard working other people's words and creating your own piece but you did well, as usual.

lissa said...

I am on your Pay it forward blogs - could you add your "label' widget so I can browse your older works? I know I can browse the archive but I think it's easier to browse through labels.

Thanks.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Hi Gautami, I had to read this a few times - there's some great images in here, the blood and gore, mugs of black coffee tasting so sinful and the saviour falling.
So much in one piece.

writerwoman said...

black coffee tasting so sinful
you might as well let the saviour fall

That part is fantastic. Its one of those phrases that just jumps off the screen because it is so orginal.

Nice job incorparating everything.

paisley said...

very nice translation of the prompt... i really enjoyed this...

anthonynorth said...

Words truly felt, I can see.

polona said...

those who have never stood in the sewers of humanity have a lot to answer for... powerful!