Thursday, October 23, 2008

echoes reverbate

##Update on 24 October: I took Sweet Talking Guy's advice and just placed the lines in the reverse order not making a single change anywhere. You can see that in the italics. It is no longer half a poem. I think, it works! Wot say? Feedback is solicited and would be much appreciated.



when we least expect it
acerbic words
hit out at the thin walls
of our innermost being
corroding it almost-
echoes reverbate long after
retaliation is stopped
right on its track
as mysteriously
aphasia sets in when
words gets stuck in the throat

neither going in nor coming out

words gets stuck in the throat
aphasia sets in when
as mysteriously
right on its track
retaliation is stopped
echoes reverbate long after
corroding it almost-
of our innermost being
hit out at the thin walls
acerbic words
when we least expect it


21 comments:

Jeeves said...

Really really like your poems!!!

anthonynorth said...

Who was it? I'll put them straight!

Annamari said...

"aphasia sets in when
words gets stuck in the throat
neither going in nor coming out"

it is a great final...I like it

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

Very accurate description. The words cut you but you can never fling a sword back.

-Nicole

poetwithadayjob said...

I second Annamari - love that ending. Are you sure this is half a poem? Feels full to me...!!!

tumblewords said...

Vivid imagery - I like this one, for sure!

Philip Thrift said...

Interesting how aphasia is set in contrast to echolalia.

Art and Poetry said...

You have a great way with words!
sometimes we all say the wrong words but it is are intentions that is important are they good or bad.

Sweet Talking Guy.. said...

Hi Gautami, I agree with you, this is only half a poem. What you shoud do is take the forty-nine words and repeat them and then just like the title says it will echo!

Two halves make a whole (poem)!

Stan Ski said...

Trying to get the words out, but they stick; you're left with a staccato stutter of repeated syllables - only half-said words that ring and resonate.

Lisa G. said...

Super. I love how you took the concept internally - you're a poet of my own heart.

cyclopseven said...

You are playing with the stanzas. Beautiful, da.

Nathan said...

This is a really cool idea, switching things around like this. I'd like to try this with one of my own poems.

- A - C - said...

Unusual and rather unsettling. good work and great ingenuity.
A.

Whitesnake said...

me likey!

Sweet Talking Guy.. said...

Hi Gautami, I see you've reversed the order of lines so they meet in the middle, I think it's quite a creative attempt but I still think it might work better to simply repeat the first half in the second half. But well done, at least you've got your full poem.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

yeah, that describes how my life was behaving a few weeks ago...

Ghost Particle said...

oh man...now i can have another hundred reverse posts :)

thank you Gautami! and where did u disappear uh? :(

hugs.

Shravya said...

It is surprising...how the poem seems so beautiful both ways. You do have a exquisite way with words. You have me hooked to your blog now!

yuzublizzard said...

By echoing "when you least expect it" you reinforce the feeling of vulnerability.

sister AE said...

I didn't see it "before" but I like the "after" a lot. The echo/repeat of words and phrases seems apropos of an inability to express oneself - sort of getting stuck on an idea and not getting past it.