Wednesday, July 01, 2009

sweetness of my yearning collapses

you are not here

I close the door,
collapse on the floor

you are not here

I clutch you kerchief,
yearn for your scent

you are not here

I walk into the kitchen,
bite into a peach

you are not here

I let the sweet juice
melt into my mouth

you are not here

I cherish this moment
thankful for the space

you are not here

I hear the bell peal,
open the door

now you are here

20 comments:

Michelle Johnson said...

Love the title you chose for this one. At first I thought this was about the loss of someone close but the ending redirected my thoughts. Great write. Hope all is well.

andy said...

Phew, glad you found him/her, love the way you got all the words into the title!
<3

anthonynorth said...

Ah, the anticipation.

ThomG said...

the repeat of the single line really makes this work on the whole. The sweet anticipation builds until that moment.

Ritual

Leo said...

very nice... esp the title :)
being a participant of 3ww myself, i could get to know the inspiration quick...

coming to ur post, i like the repetitive use of "you are not here"... the anxiety and wait could be seen easily... nicely done...

Deborah Godin said...

As I read this, I kept thinking, yes, it's like this, and this - wonderful!!

Daily Panic said...

I liked the build up to the ending. the ending made me smile.

angie said...

love the short lines and the repetition--it works well!

Fledgling Poet said...

The repetitive lines only added to her yearning...with a happy outcome.

Linda Jacobs said...

The simplicity of this is wonderful. It reminds me of Jane Kenyon's "Otherwise." (But I like yours better!)

Tumblewords: said...

This turned out happy - I thought maybe it would not be so. Nice!

floreta said...

ah i feel the yearning!

sarah haliwell said...

Oh I LOVED the ending! It was such a surprise, and had a real oomph to it. I can't explain myself perfectly - will you understand me if I say, your intention with this worked.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I love the simplicity and the repetition in this. So deceptively spare, but it packs a delicious punch!

venus66 said...

Nice. I like the flow.

shraddha said...

its awsome!
very nicely done!

Just someone said...

Beautifully written! :)
Sweet verse!

lissa said...

the waiting is usually the worst but the reward is so much better in the end, at least that's how this poem seems to me

Megha said...

I thought it would end by a sad note. But thanks for the happy ending

http://fullofcherries.blogspot.com/2009/07/victory.html

pjd said...

I am imagining this sequence spans months and represents the phases of recovery from a failed relationship. I'm not so sure the end is a happy one... perhaps more of a new beginning than an ending.