Wednesday, June 01, 2011

lowly flows

that okay
is
a front you know

never could
you
understand. slow

as always
my
response had to bow

miserable
mood
keeps me so low

let us both
share
nightmares that flow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote half a piku, in my own fashion

Piku:
three lines
3 syllables Line 1
1 syllable Line 2
4 syllables Line 3

Next
     choose one or two key words
     find rhymes for them
     slightly re-write the first piku

22 comments:

Brian Miller said...

not a big fan of okay as you are right it is often a cover for other feelings...interesting form on this...

ayala said...

Interesting one shot!

PattiKen said...

I'm not familiar with a picu, but what I always look for when I read a new poetic form is whether the message and emotion in the poem get lost in the form. Yours definitely do not get lost, Gautami. The feeling in this would shine though no matter the form.

tasmith1122 said...

Yours, like mine, seem rather somber. Still it was a fun exercise, was it not? Looking forward to next tomorrow's prompt.

Mary said...

I liked your piku, agree that 'okay' is often a front that avoids deeper expressions. I like the piku form, found it fun.

http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2011/05/untitled-pikus.html

Asobime said...

Not familiar with this form, but I am grateful for your bringing it here.

And I really liked this poem.

Has great resonance for me.

Lady Nyo

vivinfrance said...

Well done with the pikus, it was indeed fun. BTW I discovered that Gautami is a typeface - I shall investigate further! What about Tripathy?

ravenswingpoetry.com said...

"Okay" is nothing but B.S. Your piku remind me of how I've observed that people -- myself include -- pass it off as a response when they really aren't okay.

Also, your piku seem to slowly transform and dole out the meaning. Pain is better shared and understood than suffered in silence.

-Nicole

Mr. Walker said...

A good use of the piku form. I like your take on "okay". Hope that they find more than nightmare to share.

Richard

Sean Vessey said...

Thank you for the form and the great example of is use. Sharing is the basis of love as is listening. I felt your words.

Pat Hatt said...

Interesting form you used for sure
But it was great and a whole lot more
Yes okay can mean many things
As to many thoughts it brings
So one should just spit it out
And either laugh or pout..lol

Wayne Pitchko said...

I could not get my headaround or into this form.....but you certainly did well.....thans for sharing

Fiducia said...

New form of writing...I learn each day from you..you inspire one to pen words of truth and new!

Amazing verses with such a limited form of writing!! Nice feel and flow..

imnotaverse said...

I like that this is one poem in linked pikus. More than okay. :)

emily wierenga said...

this one makes me sad. still, it's beautiful.

alivealways said...

piku, a new poetic form, I love exploring new poetic forms.
I guess I would take the expressions into account as well to reach a conclusion. That might help!
Nice take!

Andy McDonald said...

I might try a few piku's in the future. I've never heard of a piku before. Good write.

Jingle said...

smart write,
smiles,

Thanks for sharing.

laurie kolp said...

Poignant, moving = )

mindlovemisery said...

So true how many of us when asked how were doing don't actually answer the question consciously? How many of actually even understand the state of our emotions for all the repressing we do

lynnaima said...

Thanks for the piku info, nice work! Enjoy the potluck :)
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/06/03/omega/

Jessica Prescott said...

I've been seeing a lot of piku lately. You did a good job.