Sunday, October 23, 2011

stalker

Lee Friedlander, from America by Car




















inside my car I sleep on the wheel
(don't worry, the car is stationary)
my head rolling after hours of driving
I am totally rusted out
can't you make it out from my glaze
which the clouds can't hide
I parked it in a crowded place
buildings all around
I dragged my feet too long over you
now my mind nods to for me to stalk you
my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
I simply don't care about what is right
I don't wish to build bridges
or straighten my act any more
I am just too stretched out

"you want a new beginning
I will give you that in a gilded cage,
limber up your mind to be a prisoner"

31 comments:

Templeton's fury said...

its scary that i can identify! ha ha great writing, though!

Kay L. Davies said...

"I simply don't care about what is right
I don't wish to build bridges
or straighten my act any more"

Many reach that point, few act upon it. Well written!

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

Brian Miller said...

i am totally rusted out...ha, nice way to put it...kay also pointed out another great line as well...i like...

Mark Kerstetter said...

"my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge"

This guy is what we call 'on the edge' - you've drawn him so that we feel that one little push will take him to crime or death.

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

everyone have said it... nice take! love it!

JJRod'z

Christine said...

disturbing, how the mind rationalizes what it wants to do, nice write

Mary said...

Gautami, this gives me the chills. Well wordled!

Kathy Bischoping said...

You do capture a menace lurking in this photo.

The Write Girl said...

A chilling and amazing poem. Nicely written.

Susannah said...

Good use of the wordle words.

I particularly liked....

"my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge
I simply don't care about what is right
I don't wish to build bridges
or straighten my act any more"

Nicely done!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Good one!

halfwaybetweenthegutter said...

Very effective; as above, many do reach that point. I've acted on it before, and it's so destructive. Well written!

flaubert said...

Gautami, excellent use of the words. Chilling story.

Pamela

turtlememoir said...

Nice write, scary. I wonder if a latent stalker doesn't lie in most of us - there's that need to know...
my ragged breath walks on the blade's edge - brilliant!

Traci B said...

Frightening portrait of obsession's destination, Gautami. Well written.

Kerry O'Connor said...

You told the story of the picture very well - felt like I was there.

Heaven said...

stalkerish, chilling scene...

nice one ~

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Wow, so well written. One really feels the fellow "on the edge". Perfect fit with the image. So well done, and a bit scary.

Morning said...

wear out better than rusted out.

awesome usage of words and image.
Thanks for linking.

Mama Zen said...

I love the ending!

Mike Patrick said...

The lit fuse.

izzy said...

I would have to be desperate and glazed to stalk someone in tight spaces, I like your take on it though.Thanks

Tumblewords: said...

Oh, what a powerful piece this is. So enjoyed it!

Tess Kincaid said...

Of course I love your phrase "totally rusted out"...

swapnap said...

beautiful surprises on the prompt, mind needs to limber up too.

vivinfrance said...

Great use of the (disguised) wordle words.

The Noiseless Cuckooclock said...

fundamental piece.
well done,

Morning said...

my head rolling after hours of driving
I am totally rusted out


reread it, love the lines, a fabulous magpie,

brenda w said...

Obsession stalks your words. :) You captured a universal feeling with your use of rusted out. Brilliant

Caddoc Trellis said...

Sounds as though revenge is on the cards...

Bone said...

That's powerful. You really immerse yourself in the situation.