Monday, August 07, 2006

Who am I?

I always ask myself, who am I? What am I? Why am I in this world? These are some of the questions, we seldom find answers to. We keep seeking. Many of us go about in this world, not knowing, not asking. They are simply happy with their lot. They do not question anything. Maybe thats the best attitude to take, maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I keep asking questions about myself, to myself. Those are never resolved.

For others, I am Gautami Tripathy, a daughter, sister, friend in the broader sense. For kids, I am a favourite teacher/aunt, as the case maybe. I have a happy disposition, at least outwardly. I have a sense of fairness, I love to interact with people. I accept others with their faults and follies. No one is perfect. As I am not, I do not expect others to be. But I am a very hard task master for myself. I wish I was less angry, less, crazy, less mad. These are all within me, visible only when I go off the lid. Otherwise I am learning to have more patience, more tolerance. These changes have been noticed by my mom and my colleagues. With children, I have always been that. Kids do not respond to anger. They respond to love with underlying firmness.

When I set out to write this, I did not know what to write. I still don't know. Maybe it will take a lifetime to be able to know myself. Maybe more...

For now, I am enjoying being with myself, sometimes reading, sometimes just keeping silent, doing nothing, seating in a park bench reflecting inwards. Or watching people. Or birds. or staring at nothing.

4 comments:

Homo Escapeons said...

I am enjoying you as well.

Who, What, and Why am I are the ultimate questions worth searching.
The rest is just conversation.

..and now you can answer the age old question..
what is the sound of one hand clapping?....

how's the arm gautami?

Don Iannone said...

Who are you? That question lies buried inside EVERYONE. No one can escape it.

The answer for me is simple: I am not who I think I am no matter what I am.

Like you Gautami, I occupy several roles (businessman, husband, father, friend, poet, etc.) but these are not my true nature.

I am That! You are That. Our nature is unknowable to the conscious minds, so it's not worth seeking in any deliberate way. All we can attain is an intimate sense of self-knowing or a sense of "I am-ness." That's it.

We are consciousness that is shared by the universe with no separate personality, soul, or anything. We are part of the One. The One is us.

Anyway, that is my philosophy.

Namaste!

gautami tripathy said...

homo escapeons: Thanks.When I started to write this, I did not know how to go about it. Its my broken thoughts. Raw. It does appear incomplete.

But is my searching complete? I am just asking that and more to myself...

Now I can clap. Infact clapping IS part of my physiotherapy exercises.

My arm is SLOWly getting better. I can't touch my shoulder though.

don: I understand what you mean. Hinduism says we are one with ONE! But why/how? Thats what I am seeking.

Darius said...

I know exactly what you mean about working with kids, and how it lets you be yourself in a less complicated way - once you catch on to that "underlying firmness" thing, so you don't often have to worry about behavior problems. For me it was a much saner-feeling way to spend my days than in the company of a lot of adults I've known!