complexity of random musings

I listen to your song and sigh
as I can't reach you any other way
I want the barrier to disappear

I follow the dog to that tree trunk
where he has hidden my memory card
I scrape it out of the ground

my nail breaks and hangs limp
the breeze does nothing to soothe me
I turn back to the song again

"I pick a little stone and rub it on that CD and taste blood"

@gautami.tripathy April 16, 2017

eyes keep staring from all angles

pick a fight
or some food
the choice is all yours
do not walk that path that leads to weapons
or you will be buried deep in the quagmire

you have to transform that negative energy
into something fruitful
take a deep breathe
(you can practice that)
and run out of that pit

"I have the view for you, go find the vision"


### Wrote this after two long months of drought. Hopefully, my muse is back!!

if only it was just a spider

go on, you have a feast
I will escape into solitude to meditate

my mind's engine has stopped
I want to empty it to move on

how do I generate a ghost,
any ghost, who makes me forget

torn, broke, I trudge deeper into the jungle
yes, I laugh aloud at my dare

my veins stand out but I am no longer torn
once I find the way, I will hit the sack

while you have a gruesome feast
with everything ghoulish

I know I irritate you all the time
with my enigmatic smile

"my parlor is the abode of a stray,
and you know, 
you can't get away any longer"

stinging the sin

 I chisel away the plaster
with that blindfold
I need to find that mirror to scry
before I hear someone cry 
of untold horrors just round the corner
a chill runs through me
and I recede to a corner
I can hear the rattle of a train 
passing by that creek

I know I have to find that mirror
instead I find a webcam
hidden in the recess of that wall

no wonder, foreboding had taken me over
I was catching up with someone's sin
that sin which invades the privacy of others

I hear a crushed soul crashing to ground 
with that drumbeat

"let me be blindfolded and smell the flowers
or is it smoke I am swallowing?"

hide me within you

near that river,
close to the railway track
a body is revealed. 
is she alive
did she collapse there?

I can see the longing in her face
imagine her radiant smile in better days
and gnash my teeth at the waste
where did she emerge from
now almost skin and bones

a mask, 
isn't it what we have always?
is it reel, is it real
who will answer
above that silence

media has all the answers
one needs only post it there
no respect for the alive
even less for the dead
but let her rest in peace

"let me close my eyes and rest for a while
while she lies in the shallows"

weeds sprouting out of your mind

I pick the mouthpiece
speak secrets into it
you think I will gossip
but I read out a poem

stanzas as sharp as razors
when I wrote it in the bath
a storm was brewing in my heart
(my skin so bronze, not that it matters)

why do you have a lopsided view
your thoughts always sour
you find blemish in all that touches you
as you always have been doing

I will always keep that fence erect,
now that weeds are growing around that
obsolete phone. 

"I am still speaking into it, assuming 
my poem might inspire you to write a few songs"

when thoughts muddle with heat

in that bowl of ice cream 
I try to find some coolness

I am frantic in this heat
random things springs in the mind
sultry weather, no one's fault
nature's way of testing us
to make us absorbed deeply into it

that man in that tiny birdbath
is that too much?
he can only skim the surface
not touch it without pain
his shirt discarded now

after that stain of salt shows in its grain
that birdbath can't contain his length
I shake my thoughts
scour that bowl with all my strength
I ache for more

"when the sky finally falls
I will hide under that now named manbath"

I want a red planet of my own

photo by Toni Frissell 

I need a nifty hat to keep me afloat 
just outside of my watery grave 
don't ever assume I have the privilege of misery

that thought is but stale 
where is my shoe, 
it is too late to contemplate 

remind me the chain of sequence 
(I was wearing white with five carat diamond)
 how I fell into water or was I pushed 

I am all mushed up in there 
akin to a boil in a cherry 
abhorring yet fascinating 

in the light of day 
don't let anyone get away 
I am not hidden in darkness 

"not again. never again. I will float out. 
I will not suffer the fate of Pluto"

spectacular in the jagged edges of mind

Still Life, 1907 by John Frederick Peto 

steaming earth burns the feet
jagged edges of rock bleed them further

I am so intimate with my hat
yet I have that umbrella too
merciless sun hits me hard

I trudge along all alone
on that lonely dry path
my feet dragging in that forceful way

I thirst for water, to sustain me
but I fall flat on that ground
which embraces me to its breast

all my stuff now hooked to a nail
while I am but dust in the Universe
my soul walking any place it wishes

no bleeding marks anywhere,
no dried out bones either
not even a photograph on that wall

"maybe a memory in someone's mind
not that I expect that as I am gone now"

where the night is without wind

Artwork by Ulrike Bolenz

stuck in the mud
her hands and feet

suppose she is searching 
the geometry of her origin

the lines, that curve, and an angle
throw her a lifeline

netted wings, broken at places
urge her to fly

her tears wet the ground
cementing her fate

"a seedling, perched on the earth
needles the mind, to prod, to incite"

rainy illusion

when the fiery wind sings

Old Bank Street, Manchester, UK by R.A.D. Stainforth 

you hold my arm
(it makes a nice frame for pictures)
you have mastered that craft
to create illusions

just a deal, that show of caring
it can't repair the damage,
fathom deep, cracked to the edges

such a close call
why would anyone add to it
those redundant emotions
I want it back, I want to exist
I don't trust chance anymore

"the billow of clouds, 
cloud my mind, 
and I let you hold my hand"

broken like that venus

the ghost of a sky opens up for us

showing a glimpse of its mighty anger

by the way of thunder 

but lightning is really the path
if a circle can be called that

fear of the unknown tears into us
when the howl of the wind rises and rises
veins go icy cold despite the heated flesh
I place my hands on the granite table,
empty and cold, through and through

you fill the bathtub for me
yet I feel so abandoned
when the howling winds call out names
I can sense the weight of loss
of something as yet un-named

"a fallen tree, its broken twigs, all speak of chaos out there"

fly away

perched on the precipice 
of uncut emotions
the delicate yearning never stops

the petals may bloom
rivulets may fall into the river
but the blues will not leave me alone

such a hopeless case
however much I might do
the Satan of bad words follow me always

that tiny bit of positive energy
is the umbrella that keeps me safe
from the sharpness of your clownish tongue

"why should I accept the negative?
why should you even offer it?"

not just a comma

emptiness
what of it, why act on it?
just a state of blankness
held by silent tears 
which dry before they fall

the child curls into a comma
questing for loving warmth
but the cold cobbled track is not saintly
and angels offer no solace

that finger is my cue
to stay as silent as I can
before science helps crack my memory
the pebbles hurt my bare feet
while I wrestle with my empty thoughts

"silence bangs hard within my mind
while I hold on to the cloth pegs"

all in a day's work....

Action Figures by Edith Vonnegut

I emit anger
and look like a clown
half naked with a vacuum cleaner

still it does not instill fear
in my kids,
rather burst into fits of laughter

they throw their fleece jackets,
now buck naked
they fly around my head

sound of broken glass
fill my head
I tumble drunkenly

slick like a seal,
one kid hugs me
another smiles gleefully

"our cat has a wounded look
why?
because it has missed all the fun"

random words

I need
I need to spread my wings
I must not let the clouds to host in my heart
I don't want the state to rescue me
who needs a patron
when one has oneself?
the ticking will go on 
to measure my depth of misery
I will spend my day in inducing humility

but why?

you may dance now
with as many as you want
my heart will race to catch you
and you will be back
where you belong


 "the question is where do you really belong?"

beyond the wall

wishing for sunshine
I put my clothes to dry
in the belief that my wish would be granted

a normal, mundane life
is it too much to ask?
a new shelter for my dreams

dedicated to my task
I sing tunelessly
with a resolve with no sustenance

should I wait for a revolution
for things to turn my way
with a design of my dreams

ultimately, when I do review my life
I won't be able  to see the war
you win, or I win
we both lose on the humanity front

killing innocents for what?

may you burn in hell
killer of children
you took away their choice to live
you ignored the panic in their eyes
you did not listen
you did not talk
you, as always just killed
how can you get high on blood and gore
that too of innocent children
no sweat flowed from you
only bullets, only bullets

yet you forgot
if you snag even one life
thousands will rise to incinerate you
you deserve nothing less for diffusing the stars

dusk is but a chimera

that spacecraft is waiting
planets are aligned
let me tread slowly into space
but first I must tangle with you

call me a lunatic or a loser if you must
you are aware I have to spread my wings
one of my endeavors to explore the beyond
leaving behind my very own angel

I am forever spinning into dreams
whatever you say, I won't sway
I will come back someday
born on a Christmas day

"that crowd is akin to shroud
I wish for silence to be loud"

soulfully I stare at nothing....

what chains tie her
what deranged mind did this
the haze in the mind chains her, 
the strain has almost deranged her
lying there, she thinks of filet
hunger does not allow to feign pride

enflame, her eyes burn
she shivers wishing for her cape
thoughts of rescue help sustain
while we exchange glances
she will not cave in
that is not an option at all

my story is all so false,
she chose to lie on the bright floor
surrounded by floral walls
to be photographed as a victim
of domestic violence
or maybe something else

"words turn around the mind.
helplessly we give in"