ass/u/me

you are NOT me
you said. rightly so.
I assumed it all
looking in the mirrored image
inverted it is, I forgot.
the end is so numbing

I don't feel pain anymore

now close, now open

my magenta bed cover
mocks me. my turquoise
night wear clashes with that.
I fumble on the mattress
and let mists of sleep
block me out
nightly shadows
cast furtive glances
on the mirror

when morning sounds wake me up
the sun looks down on me
fern on my window too mocks me
magenta turns to maroon gold
I stare at it unseeingly.
misty tears trickle
fast and furious.
I am stuck with my closed plans
how do I open them now?

where did you hide my parachute?

when you threw me from the sky
you didn't even allow me a parachute
but I landed on moss
which cushioned my body
but a sharp piece of glass pierced me

that shard underneath my skin
dissociated pain from my weary mind
when I removed that glass
my sluggish pulse raced ahead
I only see the blood dripping

I wipe it with a rag
also brush away the debris
in the midst of it all
I search for my heart
to put it back in the place

only a hole is left there,
where there used to be my heart
absentmindedly
I admire the neatness of it
thinking, you made it or I?

a curse or a plea

wherever you move
going this way
or that
the murmur of my sorrow
will haunt you

in your mirror
you will see only me
my smiling facade
turned into its own shadow
will haunt you

I was never there
I will never be there
yet I held a place for a while
in your mind, which
will haunt you

consider it a curse,
or a plea,
I will continue to haunt you

my arms around myself won't let me down

I hug myself
shutting everything out-
the pain is massive
tearing into my guts-
my arms around myself
hold me tight
so as to I don't fall apart.
I squeeze my eyes tight,
tearless I stay

why did I ever think
I could hold on to something
which was never mine in the first place?

that ache will be there a long time
yet I will stand upright
as my arms won't let me down