complexity of random musings

I listen to your song and sigh
as I can't reach you any other way
I want the barrier to disappear

I follow the dog to that tree trunk
where he has hidden my memory card
I scrape it out of the ground

my nail breaks and hangs limp
the breeze does nothing to soothe me
I turn back to the song again

"I pick a little stone and rub it on that CD and taste blood"

@gautami.tripathy April 16, 2017

complexity of sanity

his heart, a mere shell now,
it bleeds slowly to oblivion-
he sheds a single tear

he knows he can handle it
and he will cheer himself up,
and grin for the world

he knows being slack is not an option
and he has to draw a line somewhere-
hence he trims his feelings and smiles

"he can give vent, and undo everything, 
but he is held by that invisible strap of decorous behaviour"

@gautami.tripathy@April 09, 2017

Fare Thee Well

​we start with each of the batch 

bickering about your unkempt hair​

and your unruly behaviour

​we keep saying, study, study study

no games, no television

only practicing, only books​

​half of the year goes like this

somewhere down the line

you really get what we say​

you blossom, we watch

you acquire knowledge which 

we can only direct you too

​all of a sudden, it changes

we are filled with love for each of you

which can't be contained anymore​

your smiles, the mischievous eyes
and that inquisitiveness

​we

​ ​

will

​ ​

miss them too much

when one of you

​ comes close

and hugs without restraints

​we

 light up like a lamp

with each batch, 

​our 

hearts breaks
yet

​ we

 can't get away from that elation-
you are now ready to face the world

​we

 know 

​we

 will continue to say,
"go, live it up, go, spread your wings"
with that mixed feeling of love and loss

@gautami.tripathy

​

eyes keep staring from all angles

pick a fight
or some food
the choice is all yours
do not walk that path that leads to weapons
or you will be buried deep in the quagmire

you have to transform that negative energy
into something fruitful
take a deep breathe
(you can practice that)
and run out of that pit

"I have the view for you, go find the vision"


### Wrote this after two long months of drought. Hopefully, my muse is back!!

if only it was just a spider

go on, you have a feast
I will escape into solitude to meditate

my mind's engine has stopped
I want to empty it to move on

how do I generate a ghost,
any ghost, who makes me forget

torn, broke, I trudge deeper into the jungle
yes, I laugh aloud at my dare

my veins stand out but I am no longer torn
once I find the way, I will hit the sack

while you have a gruesome feast
with everything ghoulish

I know I irritate you all the time
with my enigmatic smile

"my parlor is the abode of a stray,
and you know, 
you can't get away any longer"

stinging the sin

 I chisel away the plaster
with that blindfold
I need to find that mirror to scry
before I hear someone cry 
of untold horrors just round the corner
a chill runs through me
and I recede to a corner
I can hear the rattle of a train 
passing by that creek

I know I have to find that mirror
instead I find a webcam
hidden in the recess of that wall

no wonder, foreboding had taken me over
I was catching up with someone's sin
that sin which invades the privacy of others

I hear a crushed soul crashing to ground 
with that drumbeat

"let me be blindfolded and smell the flowers
or is it smoke I am swallowing?"

hide me within you

near that river,
close to the railway track
a body is revealed. 
is she alive
did she collapse there?

I can see the longing in her face
imagine her radiant smile in better days
and gnash my teeth at the waste
where did she emerge from
now almost skin and bones

a mask, 
isn't it what we have always?
is it reel, is it real
who will answer
above that silence

media has all the answers
one needs only post it there
no respect for the alive
even less for the dead
but let her rest in peace

"let me close my eyes and rest for a while
while she lies in the shallows"

rainy illusion

when the fiery wind sings

Old Bank Street, Manchester, UK by R.A.D. Stainforth 

you hold my arm
(it makes a nice frame for pictures)
you have mastered that craft
to create illusions

just a deal, that show of caring
it can't repair the damage,
fathom deep, cracked to the edges

such a close call
why would anyone add to it
those redundant emotions
I want it back, I want to exist
I don't trust chance anymore

"the billow of clouds, 
cloud my mind, 
and I let you hold my hand"

broken like that venus

the ghost of a sky opens up for us

showing a glimpse of its mighty anger

by the way of thunder 

but lightning is really the path
if a circle can be called that

fear of the unknown tears into us
when the howl of the wind rises and rises
veins go icy cold despite the heated flesh
I place my hands on the granite table,
empty and cold, through and through

you fill the bathtub for me
yet I feel so abandoned
when the howling winds call out names
I can sense the weight of loss
of something as yet un-named

"a fallen tree, its broken twigs, all speak of chaos out there"

fly away

perched on the precipice 
of uncut emotions
the delicate yearning never stops

the petals may bloom
rivulets may fall into the river
but the blues will not leave me alone

such a hopeless case
however much I might do
the Satan of bad words follow me always

that tiny bit of positive energy
is the umbrella that keeps me safe
from the sharpness of your clownish tongue

"why should I accept the negative?
why should you even offer it?"

not just a comma

emptiness
what of it, why act on it?
just a state of blankness
held by silent tears 
which dry before they fall

the child curls into a comma
questing for loving warmth
but the cold cobbled track is not saintly
and angels offer no solace

that finger is my cue
to stay as silent as I can
before science helps crack my memory
the pebbles hurt my bare feet
while I wrestle with my empty thoughts

"silence bangs hard within my mind
while I hold on to the cloth pegs"

all in a day's work....

Action Figures by Edith Vonnegut

I emit anger
and look like a clown
half naked with a vacuum cleaner

still it does not instill fear
in my kids,
rather burst into fits of laughter

they throw their fleece jackets,
now buck naked
they fly around my head

sound of broken glass
fill my head
I tumble drunkenly

slick like a seal,
one kid hugs me
another smiles gleefully

"our cat has a wounded look
why?
because it has missed all the fun"

random words

I need
I need to spread my wings
I must not let the clouds to host in my heart
I don't want the state to rescue me
who needs a patron
when one has oneself?
the ticking will go on 
to measure my depth of misery
I will spend my day in inducing humility

but why?

you may dance now
with as many as you want
my heart will race to catch you
and you will be back
where you belong


 "the question is where do you really belong?"

beyond the wall

wishing for sunshine
I put my clothes to dry
in the belief that my wish would be granted

a normal, mundane life
is it too much to ask?
a new shelter for my dreams

dedicated to my task
I sing tunelessly
with a resolve with no sustenance

should I wait for a revolution
for things to turn my way
with a design of my dreams

ultimately, when I do review my life
I won't be able  to see the war
you win, or I win
we both lose on the humanity front

killing innocents for what?

may you burn in hell
killer of children
you took away their choice to live
you ignored the panic in their eyes
you did not listen
you did not talk
you, as always just killed
how can you get high on blood and gore
that too of innocent children
no sweat flowed from you
only bullets, only bullets

yet you forgot
if you snag even one life
thousands will rise to incinerate you
you deserve nothing less for diffusing the stars

dusk is but a chimera

that spacecraft is waiting
planets are aligned
let me tread slowly into space
but first I must tangle with you

call me a lunatic or a loser if you must
you are aware I have to spread my wings
one of my endeavors to explore the beyond
leaving behind my very own angel

I am forever spinning into dreams
whatever you say, I won't sway
I will come back someday
born on a Christmas day

"that crowd is akin to shroud
I wish for silence to be loud"

soulfully I stare at nothing....

what chains tie her
what deranged mind did this
the haze in the mind chains her, 
the strain has almost deranged her
lying there, she thinks of filet
hunger does not allow to feign pride

enflame, her eyes burn
she shivers wishing for her cape
thoughts of rescue help sustain
while we exchange glances
she will not cave in
that is not an option at all

my story is all so false,
she chose to lie on the bright floor
surrounded by floral walls
to be photographed as a victim
of domestic violence
or maybe something else

"words turn around the mind.
helplessly we give in"

spirality

Bond of Union, 1956, by M. C. Escher 

your gaze drops from mine
and my skin burns
in that breeze we both slowly disintegrate
the splendor of the gathering palls

I re-collect the scattered sounds
and put them in my wallet
you are bent double
your pain does rattle in a staccato

in the contemporary world
it is so plain that no one is able
to understands the import 
of being a secular

I and you entwined brokenly 
in the debris of religious bigotry

soulful lingering

in the highway
subtle is a misnomer
fresh palate hints of sex
toasty thrill of lingering soul
yields but a mix of emotions
speeding tends to the palpitating heart
I burn in the darkness
in the deep stark night
something flickers
everything so silent
except you sitting by the candles
sound of your breathing drives me insane

I close my eyes
my mind travels again on that highway
yet nothing can take away the subtle whiff  
of lingering sex. not while you sit so still..

chaotic

such a singer that owl
his eyes shine in the dark night
his fervor does not find favor with me
as I am at crossroads
all my plans in the mud

birds may symbolize freedom
I do not see a thread of it
in that owl's song
maybe I should let it sit on the crocus
or a rose or two

"the thorns would stop his singing
but the flowers would commit suicide"