Thursday, October 12, 2006

Dodging thoughts

plummeting into the abyss
which lies in the cavern of my mind

often enough I think
is that all I can do
to save myself from this misery
by ignoring it all
keeping it bottled up
saying not a word to a soul
but talking to myself
drowning in my thoughts
a happy smiling exterior
shown to the world that
all is well within me
while I die a million death
each day of my life
self-destructing.


will I heal ever
or
have I given in?

---------------------------------

My muse has returned after a while. Don't know how long it will stay. Nothing like heart breaking thoughts to make the muse work overtime....

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello there!
I found your blog through someone else's link list. You have such interesting things to say!

I will definitely be back for a visit soon...

Take care,
Sheetal (South Africa)

Within Without said...

Gautami:

This is very beautiful, but very dark. Not that any of us can escape the dark side at times.

If it means anything, thanks for letting us in and I hope some bright rays of sunshine break through to lighten up your life.

Pat Paulk said...

Your muse has returned and left a wonderfully written poem.I too, hope the dying a million deaths ceases and life fills its void.

gautami tripathy said...

Sheetal: welcome to my blog. I will visit yours too..

Thanks!

gautami tripathy said...

within without: Very true. And life has to go one.

Thanks for being concerned. I will ok. Actually I am ok..

pat paulk: Darkest of thoughts seems to bring about the best poetry...
Anyway, another of those black moods which will soon pass away..

Thanks...I will let the sunshine in again.

Homo Escapeons said...

My word!
Gautami, what's all this then?
You just pulled me into a very dark tunnel.. what are you beating yourself up about?

We all know that it is better to look good than to feel good (of course you stated that much more eloquently) but we humans have a secret weapon.
By some gigantic fluke of Nature we can fool our own brain by smiling in the mirror and thinking happy thoughts..over and over and over..it works. Unless of course you have some chemical imbalance and are teetering on the edge of despair which of course only chemical warfare will solve..like sex and chocolate.

We will do whatever it takes to preserve our existance..even if it means a war between our mind and our brain. The mammal versus the reptile.

Sometimes it seems as though we are sitting around and waiting for something to happen in our lives.. but it is the difference between being REactive and PROactive.

You won't give in..
you are a fighter..
you make things happen..
and a wonderful writer..
just look at how you inspired me...muah Thank You!

Travis Jay Morgan said...

I felt this was more of just some thoughts written out then even free verse. Now on the contents meaning, holding in all the pain, not speaking and expressing what you feel (though you have done so through this writing). I used to do that, but I no longer do. Following the truth, being true, is the only way to go.

polona said...

this is a wonderful poem, albeit dark and brooding. hope all's well.

gautami tripathy said...

homo escapeons: It was not my intention to scare you or anyone else. I am not going to do anything rash. As I said appearances are important. But sex and chocolates do not always solve the problems. I cannot let myself fall into the pattern.

Yes, I have fooled myself into believing all is well nothing is greater than me, myself whatever. But as is usual I do slip a few times. But I will be again on top of the world, putting my nose where it ought not be..

Till date I have won against myself and will do so in future too.
It was nothing but a minor diversion.

No, i will not give in..
Yes, I am a fighter...
I don't know about making wonderful things happen...though I do try
Writing comes easy when one is brooding...:D
Infact as I see it you have encouraged me to excel myself in my writing...

Don't you worry....I AM OK!

gautami tripathy said...

travis jay morgan: I wasn't even trying to write anything. It just came about or shall I poured forth. Maybe letting it all out will act as catharis. Who knows?

I follow what my instincts tell me to...only to seek truth.

gautami tripathy said...

polona: Yes, thanks. Next time I write a peppy poem.

Natalia L. Rudychev said...

Gautami

Beautiful poem. Deep and thought provoking!

gautami tripathy said...

natalia: welcome......

Ghost Particle said...

welcome back mr muse. :p

Nice writeup, its the yearning of the soul to escape, stay out of the loop, but human nature wont let it happen.

gautami tripathy said...

Glad to see you after sometime, ghost!