Sunday, February 28, 2010

slumber: haiku-lets

deprived of sleep
I slumber dreamily in the day
when morbidity digs

digged morbidity
turns around and runs away
heaven eludes

heaven: misnomer;
cloaking that invisibilty
of our ignorance

an ignorant mind
is delirious in itself
leave it well alone

aloneness suits-
mind turns towards bigger dreams
thriving within it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I call those dancing verses, renamed haiku-let here. I have not done this for a while and thought why not chain my disjointed thoughts here in those short verses? Let me know what you think. Only Sir Silley is barred from commenting..:D


25 comments:

Stan Ski said...

I like them - they're like tose 'snapshot ' dreams we often have.
There are 2 or 3 words that may need editing/correcting.
from - OF
misnoner - misnoMer
a - AN
What do you think?

gautami tripathy said...

Thanks Stan. I corrected. I posted it in a haste without editing. Moral of the story: edit, edit, edit!

Linda Jacobs said...

This captures it perfectly! I like the overlapping words because dreams are like that--blending from one image to the next.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Ah, sleeplessness, I know it well--and apparently so do you! Well done!

Rattling sleepy bones

Alone on the Isle said...

Well done, I enjoyed it start to finish.

sage said...

Nice "haiku-lets"!

Jim said...

The last two are my faves! Nice work.
..

Beth P. said...

what a river you've named!

Thomma Lyn said...

Oooh, Gautami -- I like these very much. They're poetic and thought-provoking, and I enjoyed how you come full-circle back to dreams and dreaming.

Tumblewords: said...

I like the way this series relates and circles back. Nice!

Becca said...

I really like the way you linked these haiku together, both with words and thematically.

Well done!

shraddha said...

it was really fun..

oldegg said...

Your expression "an ignorant mind is delirious in itself" is so true of life and our enjoyment of it. If only we could leave it well alone!

Lots of good stuff in here.

Greyscale Territory said...

You have created a kind of metronome effect by threading pulses from one haiku into the next! Beautiful and fascinating!

madeline said...

These are woven together deftly. The last is my favorite. Nice work.

Robin said...

Great work. Really well connected, and great content.

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Your poem reminds me of my kitchen clock(old Seth Thomas). Ticktock. Image lets us see the next beat of your words, Well done.

one more believer said...

i like this sorta writing...it is as our mind thinks and like the rawness of our thoughts on paper....

Percy Bisque Silley said...

C. Rises: It reminds me of my Seth Thomas clock too! What year is yours?

J Cosmo Newbery said...

But he does comment! Nevermind. That Surpy gets everywhere.

Haikus are an art form that has eluded me but I am happy enough that you are so skilled at it.

Dee Martin said...

Loved the last one the most - pursuing dreams often means aloneness :)

Yousei Hime said...

I especially like that last one. Solitude is one of my favorite things. I confess to sighing in deep pleasure when my kids and husband head off to their school/work. Naughty me. Thank you for sharing this.

Jeri Lewis said...

Hiya, Dee!

Andree said...

Wonderful as always, Gautami. Triggers so many thoughts in my mind.

Yellow Tulip said...

lovely:)