Simply being a female

all of a sudden
nothing makes sense
even though my mind knows
but my tongue lets loose
and I behave like a virago
bitchy and unreasonable
to all those who try to reason it out
i leave them bewildered till it dawns
it's that time of the month
when no reason will get through me
to my mixed feelings, angry thoughts.
one has only to understand
this is all temporary
lasting a few days

and i get back to my
sunny, smiling self
unreasonable in other ways
which is more bearable….

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Well, as we all know PMS makes us this way....

Dodging thoughts

plummeting into the abyss
which lies in the cavern of my mind
often enough I think
is that all I can do
to save myself from this misery
by ignoring it all
keeping it bottled up
saying not a word to a soul
but talking to myself
drowning in my thoughts
a happy smiling exterior
shown to the world that
all is well within me
while I die a million death
each day of my life
self-destructing.

will I heal ever
or
have I given in?

---------------------------------

My muse has returned after a while. Don't know how long it will stay. Nothing like heart breaking thoughts to make the muse work overtime....

Tragey strikes. Whose fault?

Today when I started for school, I saw lots of people in our apartment standing in the central park in groups talking in hushed voices. Most mornings I see many people doing exercises or yoga out there. Today no one was at it. But I was in a hurry. I was getting late for school so I didn't stop and ask anyone. When I got back, I still saw hoards of people and before I could ask, someone came and told me that a boy had been electrocuted by one of the electric poles within the apartment blocks and had died on the spot before anything could be done.

Shocking! I was dumbfounded. No words came out. After a while I asked who and how. It so happened some boys were playing volleyball as usual and the ball fell near an electric pole. One of the boy's ran there to pick it up. Instead he was stuck to the pole due to electric current. The other kids pulled him apart with the help of a wooden log but it was too late and he was already gone. Though he was taken to the nearest hospital but he was lost to the world.

I can still see his face with a mischievous smile, sitting on the top of the boot of my car dangling his legs. He was only 15 years old. He is gone forever, never to return. Death is so final. Painful as that is it is the truth. Tragic end for a boy for no fault his own.

Sheer negligence on the part of the management of the Apartments. For any kind of functions to be held, they used to take electric connections from the same pole. This time someone goofed up and left a live wire which took a young life. It could have been anyone or worse more kids if they had touched him unthinkingly. All the kids play out there assuming it is safe place. I have told the management to put up plaques asking kids not to go near these. For my efforts I was told, I shouldn't worry. Those are safe. Still I have scolded a few kids for sitting near and touching those poles. Despite my repeated pleas no one took any care. Now we lost a life. For what? By apathy and closed minds.

Today in the evening, not a single kid was to be seen playing out there. It felt so eerie and weird. Parents prevented their children from playing outside. But is that any solution, keeping the children inside? We all need to be aware and make our children aware. Before that we should never compromise on safety. Safety should be always be foremost.

Why does one think of safety after tragedy strikes?

Festivities over? Not likely by Indian standards

Back to grind. Finally Dusshera/Vijayadashami is over.






Ravana is vanquished by burning his effigy symbolically along with his brother Kumbhakarna and son Meghnath. Rama starts for Ayodhya with his brother, Lakshman. He will reach on there Diwali.



Goddess Durga is immersed in the river/sea(as the case may be) bidding her goodbye till next year. She too killed Mahisasur and had come to visit her parent's place for four days. She is back at her husband's place. Why do we think of the Goddess Mother as one of the members of our of our family? That's because she comes to stay with us for four days in a year like any other married daughter in Indian customs. The times are changing. Nowadays a married daughter seldom stays at her parent's place for long. (That's another issue, which I will take up later).

These traditions and customs just draw us in maybe because they send us messages of togetherness, love and being there with each other in times of happiness as well as need. Such timeless emotions, feelings and thoughts can never change. We long for all that. In the rat race for survival, we forget all these which are reinforced year after year.

Now I know for sure...my cynicism has gone to the dogs till Diwali...

Wait on guys, it's not over yet.

(to be contd)

Festivities, anyone?

This is time of the year which is called festival season in India. It will go on till Diwali. This year Ramadan too is at the same time. This is the time to feast, dress up and shop till you drop.

Our autumn break starts with the onset of the Navratris (Nine nights) prior to Vijaydashami or Dusshera. Each day of the navratris, Goddess Durga is worshipped in one of her numerous manifestations who is trying to save the world by fighting with Mahisasur (a demon in the form of a buffalo). Finally Goddess vanquishes the demon wchich culminates in Vijayadashami. On the other hand, the battle between Rama and Ravana is played out and Rama kills Ravana. Various ways of celebrations in various parts of India. But each one has the same message. Goodness winning over evil. But that only happens in mythological stories. In real life, I always see evil winning over goodness.

But that's not what I am trying to say. I am kind of cynical but I get caught up in all this. Somehow I am drawn into it. Despite vowing that I will not be a part of all this, I end up a sucker for all this. When my friends come calling, I go out with them without as much a protest.

Seems like my cynicism is a smokescreen!!!

(to be cont)

Any answers?

Got a question.

Why do certain people want others to follow what they are thinking? Why do they want to tire the other with the sheer weight of their words? To make a particular point, they go on and on. The point is, I always miss it (the point, that is) if it is kind of forced upon me.

I deal with such people with silence on my part. Is there any other way?

What is poetry?©

what is poetry?
a few have asked.
i don’t blame them
they know not.
rhyme and rhythm
is that all?
no my dears,
it’s not!

i write what I see
i write what I feel
i write about love
i write about hate
i write about incest
i write about rape
i write about idealism
i write about materialism

shorter verses
i love to write.
only way I can get
the message across.
scoring points
I think not.
Even if I was
why should it matter?

prose can be poetry,
poetry can be prose.
it is up to you
how you behold.
will go on writing
all that I can.
nothing will stop me
not even you.

----------------------------------------

I wrote this defence of poetry. Someone criticised poetry which does not rhyme or has rhythm. For him it's not poetry. You can read his article here if you want.

He criticised certain networks too. As I do not agree and all of us can't be Keats, Burns, Brownings....this is my instant answer which I posted here.

Abandoned---Can I ask you why?

pleasure was yours, the pain is mine;

you choose to live, leaving me to die.

is it my fault, i came into being?

i didn’t have a choice, you had one.

why was i than abandoned by you?

if this ignominy is existence for me;

i would have preferred to die.

death i would have welcomed,

wholeheartedly within your womb!


(c)gautami.tripathy

~Sept 25, 2006

---------------------------------------
I wrote this a few minutes back. Posting it here without any edits or refining it. It triggered in my mind after I wrote a reply on my book review post on The Scarlet Letter on a network.

In India, most of the babies who are born out of wedlock are abandoned and at times left to die unless someone finds them. And a girl child faces this even if she is born inside of wedlock. This is what such a baby would ask if given a chance to speak.

I too ask why......fully well knowing there aren't any answers.....

The first books that came into my mind after I was tagged for this "Book Meme"

I have been tagged by lotus reads for this book meme. I usually do not play for tags. But this one I will play along. Only because I read hell of a lot. My compulsive buying of books is more than my reading power. Too many books lying around to be read. Here I enumerate the first ones that come into my mind. I know I will not be able to do justice to this. But what the hell!


1. One book that changed your life?





Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. After reading that book, I quit thinking one person cannot change the world. One single entity can if she/he is determined enough. I read it the first time when I was 17 years old. I was half in love with Howard Roark for a long time afterwards. Maybe I am still searching for him. A must read book. I feel one must read all of Rand's book like I have done.




2. One book you have read more than once?




There are too many books, I read more than once. Three men in a boat by Jerome K. Jerome takes the cake though. I must have read it numerous times. I simply cannot get over it. It's too hilarious to be put down after you start it.



3. One book you would want on a desert island?








East of Eden by John Steinbeck. It sustains interest throughtout and is a great story of courage and survival. I need to read it yet again. What better place than a desert island?





4. One book that made you cry?


The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It brings tears into my eyes even if I pick it up now. Very powerful touching kind of book.




5. One book that made you laugh?





Catch 22 by Joseph Heller is a satire of the times which has the power to make us laugh at human foibles and failings. Very intellectual kind of book with underlying humour and irony!






6. One book you wish had been written?

About how not to follow religion blindly by Pope Benedict! For obvious reasons!


7. One book you wish had never been written?




Men are from Mars, women are from Venus by John Gray. It is too cliched for the likes of me! One book I wish I had never bought. If I ever see John Gray, I will kill him with my bare hands.




8. One book you are currently reading?

Infact I am reading three books all at the same time. I always do.






The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishguro.









The unbearable Burden of Lightness by Milan Kundera. It is my 5th book by Kundera. It is as interesting as the others that I have read.









The scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I got this book for a long time now. I got around to reading it now. As they say, better late than never.




I plan to write reviews for all three after I finish those.


9. One book you have been meaning to read?






The original version of Kamasutra by Vatsayan. Too many copies circulating. I want nothing but the best! Mind you, it's not a book on sexul positions. It is a treatise on love and sensuality.



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These are just a few of the books I have read, am reading and mean to read. I left out most of the non-fiction, political commentaries and silly detective novels(that I simply love!). Not to forget poets. I can only write so much here!


I enjoyed doing this. How could I miss a good thing? Thanks for tagging me, Lotus!

Am I supposed to tag too? Let me think! Ok, I tag homo escapeons, within without, jon aristides, Ghost Particle, frontier editor and david Israel. Hope you play it. If you don't it's ok with me!

But do indulge me!

Vacillations of the mind

Should we consider idealism dead

just because materialism has taken over?

Should humanism capitulate

to ruthless humanity?

Should love cease to exist

as hatred destroys love?

Must gentleness give way to hardness

as it’s too hard to care?

Does ugliness replace beauty

as ugliness fast expands?

Must life end in death

just because death exists?

Answering one/all in affirmation

speaks out loud and clear!

Where justice is controlled by injustice,

Hence thereby suicide is justified.

Protesting against evil, injustice,

inhumanity, godlessness.

Appealing for life,

our despair crying out loud.

For the very existence of life

Where do we go from here?

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