Wednesday, December 09, 2009

gravely offended

I walked out of that grave
balancing my lithe body

it has been long I came out of it
that musty smell was getting at me

I could never get hold of anything
in that vacant emptiness

when I materialised in front of you,
hope I didn't offend you

"your shocked reaction was reward enough for me"

15 comments:

anthonynorth said...

Excellently creepy.

ThomG said...

dreamy quality to it, I think. Not so much creepy. I like it, doesn't read forced.

Tim Remp said...

I thought of it as a playfully dark piece.

carolsnotebook said...

Creepy, but fun, too.

Daily Panic said...

wonder if this is how all ghosts feel?

Just someone said...

It doesnt read forced at all (saw you mention that in the comments)

it is as striking as all your pieces are!

A great work!

Linda Jacobs said...

I like how the shocked reaction is a reward! Makes it sound kind of playful.

Dee Martin said...

spooky but not scary! Is it okay if I hate it just a little that your "forced" writing is still so wonderful?

I understand what it feels like though when you make yourself write even though "it" whatever it is - isn't there. Still, good disicpline to write anyway.

Larry said...

I agree with thom I think it was great. Look forward to reading you again next week. I'm posted also just follow the link below.


The Ballerina

pegjet said...

That sense of catching someone and startling them... perfect. We all like it when we catch someone. by your poem, I guess it is a quality we still enjoy on the other side.

mark said...

Dark, but not at all creepy or scary. Nice atmosphere...

Crybbe666 said...

A fine, flowing piece of writing, the 'shocked reaction' closing it nicely. Well done!

Tumblewords: said...

It would be difficult to find a comfortable grave, I think! Scarier yet to flit back and forth. Interesting piece, for sure!

wordvamp said...

This was great, something a little different from what I normally read from you. This flowed elequently yet still gave me the delicious feel of the creeps.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I liked this. It started off potentially creepy or sad, but that last line made me laugh.