a single pearl
luminous
on my skin
your skin reflects
that sheen
of my love
that love
I can't convey
in rigid words
words hinder
close my emotions
contain them in space
miniscule space
can only explode
plundering us
the very us
on its culminated wake
of lusty delight
lustrous lust
illustrates
lucent pearls of sweat
that single pearl
is but a witness
of my disintegration
me into you
a complete journey-
you into me
22 comments:
Great repetition - and passionate.
lovely picture of love
Lustrous Lust---that does it for me ) Great sensuous chant Gautami, I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas x
First couple of lines, I'm like, what's with the repetition? Then it caught and I watched it all flow. I liked it very much.
"words hinder." The beginning of wisdom for a poet.
My favorite:
miniscule space
can only explode
plundering us
the very us
on its culminated wake
of lusty delight
Sexy and passionate!
Two become one - just for a moment.
I like the way that the poem travels from the words used at the begining (sweat and pearl) back to those words at the end. Difficult to do. Thanks.
Nice that so strongly physical a poem contains this paradoxical observation:
words hinder
close my emotions
contain them in space
Words, the medium of the poem, hinder the experience of the subject of the poem, but it is only through words that that hindered experience can be communicated to those who are not part of that experience.
Strong images. Fine wording. Thought provoking.
lustrous lust... that does it for me too!
:D
Rigid Stains
"me into you/a complete journey" is worth a billion ...
Best wishes
Ralf
I really like what you have done with the prompt....than ks for sharing this.....happy holidays to you
Me too, me too. Yes, I loved these lines especially,
"miniscule space
can only explode
plundering us"
A wonderful physicality that is also more, and well expressed, simply so.
The repetition works perfectly here, with the pearl's circular journey completed "me into you... you into me". Very lovely.
Yes, I like this very much. Its sensuous repetition of many aspects of lustre and light illuminating love - is exquisite, indeed. This is what the prompt intended - not just simpler repetitions, as mine was. Bravo!
Would that you would not immortalize in verse the more personal aspects of our past.
It is indiscreet and remarkably inopportune given the current state of my affairs. I wish that you would not be so jealous.
Very sensual imagery - good repetition...very well done!
An apt description of a pearl, the nacre of luminous lust. Alliteration is finely tuned - this is an enjoyable read, for sure!
I like how the pearl while small is also a great concentration of effort and patience and luster, which captures the sense of love and desire in the speaker.
Really enjoyed your choice of repetition..as usual your ideas work perfectly. Good job!
Nice poem. It is simple and cute.
Thanks for sharing it here.
I like this. I love how you chain the stanzas together with common words in the first and last lines. I caught the alliteration in this piece, especially in the seventh stanza ("lustrous lust/illustrates
/lucent pearls of sweat"). Luscious and lucent indeed. Nice job.
-Nicole
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