Friday, November 19, 2010

claustrophobia

the train enters that tunnel
I expect it to grab me
my ears ring with muffled sound

in dimmed light
shadows become apparitions when
the train enters that tunnel

coldness seeps into me
inaudible movement scares me
I expect it to grab me

daylight becomes night
each sound resonates
my ears ring with muffled sound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Cascade Poem is like this:
1st Stanza: line 1, line 2, line 3
2nd Stanza: line a, line b, repeat line 1
3rd Stanza: line c, line d, repeat line 2
4th Stanza: line e, line f, repeat line 3

39 comments:

flaubert said...

Guatami,
You have done a fantastic job on the cascade.
Pamela

Monkey Man said...

Ooo, this is cool. Love the description and you explanation of a Cascading poem.

My 55 is HERE .

5thsister said...

wow...I could definitely sense the feeling in your words.

sheila said...

Very very nice!!! Great job!
Tunnels always freak me out a bit. Just a bit. :o)

Mine's up HERE

G-Man said...

I just Love Teachers!
I always learn something every time I visit...You Rock!
Loved your 55 My Friend.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Teresa said...

Excellent 55! I must say I'm not a fan of those tight places either.

Brian Miller said...

wow. neat form...and nice sound to this one...

Alice Audrey said...

This is great. It really moves along.

anthonynorth said...

Excellently done.

izzy said...

Interesting form! good 55,
I landed where you put me but I just know
the sound would roar through me-Thanks !

Jerry said...

Never heard of cascading. Awesome. On a personal note...don't get caught in a dark blog.

Linda said...

You really depicted the feeling of being in a tunnel.

Cynthia Short said...

Terrific job with the cascade! I felt as if I was in that tunnel...

Bloggin'withAmanda said...

this is brilliant! the flow is perfect and each stanza fits together like a custom made glove!I have felt this way before it is not pleasant!

TALON said...

Lovely flow! So well done!

ladynimue said...

nice !! wasn't this form so fun !! :)

Elizabeth said...

Wonderful write and you made the cascade work for you in so many ways, rushing us all toward the tunnel and that moment of darkness. Great capture,

Elizabeth

Gigi Ann said...

I never heard of a cascade poem before, I loved it, I have so much to learn about poetry. Thanks for the little lesson.

Cara Holman said...

Really well done! It had such a sinister feeling to it... (and I have to drive through a tunnel today. :) )

Enchanted Oak said...

And the repetition echoes the chugging of a train, and makes this eerie. Good job!
The Straight Poop

Jannie Funster said...

I am claustrophobic too. But as long as the train keeps moving, I think I'm okay. :)

xo

hedgewitch said...

I really like cascades--been playing with them also. this one really works the images and sounds with a nice emphasis. Enjoyed it.

Eric Alder said...

It seems that the trickiest part is to come up with a good first stanza - which you did! Nice 55!

Victoria (liv2write2day) said...

Great writing, Gautami. You really conveyed the feeling of the poem.

Claudia said...

never heard about this poetic form before...nice..

Linda Jacobs said...

I'm claustrophobic, too, and my chest was tight as I read this poem!

Tumblewords: said...

Love the tunnel in this cascade! Too cool!

E. Johnson said...

Wonderful use of form to keep us in the tunnel!

Me said...

I was not familiar with this form before, and I really enjoyed this. Nice job!!
-C

Jingle said...

fabulous capture of your subject,
awesome 55.

RNSANE said...

Being on a train in a tunnel never bothered me before but now it will!

Mine is at:

http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/11/flash-55-friday-stoned-november-19-2010.html#links

kavisionz said...

Oohhh... That really sounded like the words of a claustrophobic... phheeww!!
Very well written Gautami!
And the fact that you abided by the rules of the form, and maintained the essence, is really admirable!!
Bravo!!

moondustwriter said...

Loved the cascade - thanks for the info about it

It had a very closed in feel

Nice 55
hope you have a great weekend

moon smile

nan said...

the imagery you constructed constricted by breathing! i haven't had this feeling more than a couple of times. you really captured it and made the cascade unravel naturally!

Wayne Pitchko said...

indeed a nice job with the cascade poem.....thanks for sharing your words again

cosmos cami said...

This was well done.
I thought this was an intriguing exercise.

ms pie said...

gautami, falling in love with clause poetry... opens a whole new dimension of poetry with unique rhyme.. such as yours...

Gigi Ann said...

I tried to write a cascade poem, not sure if it is correct or not. Please visit and let me know if I did it correctly. Thank you in advance.

Gigi Ann

http://annsquotesandthings.blogspot.com

quid said...

Gautami....

I think this was the finest example of a cascade that the Big Tent had. I didn't get a chance to write one, but plan to try this holiday weekend. It seemed effortless for you!

Well done!

quid