unverbalised

feelings- ambivalent, ambiguous.
emotions too unresolved to incarcerate.
ideas spilling over each other.
notions repudiating to visualize.
unimaginative, unmotivated yet
words determined to be revealed;
stripped bare, completely naked,
exposing the cavernous soul.

nonetheless, why do i bottle it all up?

End of another year.

On this last day of the year, I am thinking of all that I achieved in 2006. It is not about materialistic or any such thing. It is about the blogosphere...

All I can say is I am very glad to have made great blogger friends. We might never see each other but that does not stop us from sharing each others' milestones..happiness, sadness....whatever it takes. Visiting, connecting, encouraging, critiquing. Need I say more? I have become less cynical, more tolerant and better person for knowing you all. Thank you all for just being there.

May the blogger's tribe increase as never before.

I wish a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007 filled with peace, love, laughter and much joy to all my blogger friends.

Brushing abstracts

This is my 300th post on this blog.

Sit back and relax, girl!

It is Christmas evening and I am kind of alone at home. The whole world seems to be out revelling. I did go out in the afternoon but looking at the crowd, I was glad to be back home. Infact I am enjoying my own company listening to soft music. The following is just one of the lot. I know it is predictable but what the hell!



Last Christmas...George Michael

Maybe I will write a poem or two and post it here. My muse seems to be working for sometime now. This time I did not have too long a dry spell.

Uprising

This post has nothing to do with christmas. My poetic urge took over and here I am posting another one...still raw and out of the mill!
......................................................................................................
Uprising

fire oddly restrained;
lost in the fumes,
inside surefire stockade-

releasing the shaft,
consenting it to breathe
disregarding its rage.

soaring above blistered
remnants which storms up
unfettered and uninhibited.

Tidings of the mind

The title sounds as if for poetry! But it has nothing to do with it.

Schools closed for nine days! Last afternoon and early evening I was out shopping. I literally shopped till I dropped. I was so tired that I feel asleep at 9.30 pm. Too early for me. But I could barely manage to keep my eyes open. This morning I was up early at 4.30 am.

Hope the kids like what I bought for them, clothes, toys, junk jewellery, books etc etc. Chocolates, cakes, pastries comes next. The best news was, we finally received one month's salary. So that should more than cover my splurging.

I had ordered books and those too arrived at the right time. Next task is to decorate the christmas tree, pack the gifts and invite the kids. And hope I too get gifts...LOL!

I don't know why but I feel happy as well as as sad. conflicted emotions. At times it gets too much to deal with those.

SANTA, where ARE you?

Nothing really!

I seldom write about my work. That's becos I want to keep it away from my own time here. Today too I will just mention it in the offing here. After I got back from Bangalore, I received 423 answer-sheets to evaluate in three days. Looking at those papers made me almost insane! Literally keeping the midnight oil burning, I finished the job at 2.30 am today.

The festive spirit had not seeped through me. Oh, I had a great time in Bangalore but back in Delhi, it was a rude shock. Some one had goofed up at some level and I landed up with 400+ answer sheets. I could have refused but the second terminal results had to be out by today and someone had to do it. I am never the one to back out of it however unpleasant the task might be.

Now going through homo escapeons' and within without's blog, I finally was jolted out of it. Time for me to get a small christmas tree, some decorations and gifts for my nephews and nieces. If I do not do this, they will miss their Santa, namely me. I am looking forward to the weekend to go shopping! It does not matter that I am yet to receive my last three months pay!

Merry Christmas to you all!

About writing poetry....

In May 2005, I started out writing at the behest of a good friend. I don't know what he saw in my writings that he encouraged me to write. I started as a short story writer. Not that I was any good at that time. But I was eager to learn. I don't know how but I slowly gravitated towards poetry writing. Maybe I was too lazy to write prose, maybe poetry was my calling. I can't answer that. Initially I wrote rhymed poems. That was the only way I could write poetry. After a while I started with free verse. I found that it flowed for me. I am very comfortable with writing this form of poetry.

Not that it does not have any rhythm or rhyme or lyrics but it is not binding in the strictest sense. I tried my hands at haikus. The tight structures disciplined my thoughts in a way I had not thought possible.

I have written sonnets, terza-rimas...classic poetry in modern interpretations. Somewhere down the line, I simply gave up on trying to write classic forms. Maybe I found free verse more to my liking. But now I think I must get back to structured poetry. There is so much beauty in those, so much discipline of the mind. I need to do that. One of my main drawback is I am unable to write long poems. My thoughts go awry after a certain point. I can't concentrate enough.

Maybe structured poetry will get my mind in the right track...What do you say?

Reason and logic

cold reason-
why do you accuse me
of meagre strategy, your eyes
staring pitifully at me?

i squirm, deeply hurt
by your psychoanalysis;
willing and hoping
for you to be kinder-

considerate of my loyalty
to humanity at the expense
of sciences which are
destroying this world.

cold reason-
how you mock me so.
finally I look back at you,
uncaring of what you think.

................................................................................

This has not come up the way I intended it too. I posted it here becos I know I will never get around editing it and posting it if I don't do it now. All my poet (and non-poet!) friends are welcome to critique it. I will appreciate it very much.

This is sad...

I posted my poem here yesterday and was sitting with my mom just relaxing when we got a phone call. My mothers' younger brother passed away yesterday. He was two years younger than my mom. They were very close.

We had returned from Bangalore, my mom being so happy about my brother's new house there.( we had gone there for his housewarming.) Now this.

She was kind of unconsolable for a while. I called up my brothers. They kept her busy talking to her one after the other. When she talked, her sadness seemed to fall away. She recalled the good times with him. He had not been well lately. Infact he was in a lot of suffering and was in the ICU for the last one week. The doctor had said he might get well. But he did not. He was 69. He lived in Orissa. He died in Orissa. All his three sons were there with him.

He had had a major accident in 1980 when doctors had given up on him but he recovered fully. His sons were so small at that time. GOD gave him a new lease of life. He had done well for himself and his sons. But death is so final. I suddenly remembered my own dad. Not that I had forgotten him but I felt the sharp pain once again.

Mom will go to Orissa for the rituals that are done on 10th and 11th day. One of my brothers' will go with her. I know I shouldn't worry but I do.

This is life. Happiness and sadness go hand in hand. I SHOULD KNOW....