Tuesday, October 30, 2007

fascinatingly spooked-----Writers Island



foaming water gives rise to steam
ripples disappear into nothing

shadows form out of nowhere
walking creepily towards shore

revolting fascination takes over
watching unheard of creatures

unholy sounds pierce the calm
strange shapes emerge, dancing

on cascading stream, eeriness
enhances those unheard of fears

sounds of night hold to enthral
until dawn breaks, sunlight falls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My thoughts are haunted for no particular reason. May be it is the season. I am unable to write the way I want to. This is another of my half hearted effort this past fortnight. Please do feel free to critique it.

23 comments:

Steve said...

Half hearted?
Geez I want to see it when you do put full effort in.
That was good!

UL said...

I agree, there's nothing half-hearted about this piece. Interesting spook!

Mary Timme said...

You and Marja! You've both done so well and thought you did not. I found it moving and dare I say, 'haunting?'

paris parfait said...

Sounds like one haunted night! Good job creating a spooky atmosphere, Guatami.

...deb said...

It doesn't sound half-hearted to me, either. But I could say it doesn't seem as grounded in specific detail as your other poetry. It is atmospheric, it wafts. It is not concrete. Perhaps this is a clue. Or only my read. In any event, good for you for writing-on.

Jo said...

I like the lightness of touch....very ethereal, which is very appropriate. BTW, you've got a typo 'in ripples disappears into nothing' -- it should be disappear. Hope you don't mind me pointing it out, you can do the same for me any time.

Cynthia E. Bagley said...

You need to read "The Highwayman" by Alfred Noyles. That is my Halloween reading. :-)

Square1 said...

For a half hearted effort this is very well written, and appropriate for the season. I find my thoughts being haunted of late too, but most likely for entirely different reasons.

watermaid said...

I feel that this does evoke the feelings of a haunted island. I particularly liked the last two lines.

I want to add something to what deb said about concrete detail. This is what writing courses are telling people to do but for some time now I have been thinking that this doesn't have to be the only way to write poetry,

HungryGhost said...

WOW! Nicely written - a shore best avoided.

Mark

keith hillman said...

It's a sign of a good writer when something half-hearted turns out as good as this! Very atmospheric.

polona said...

well, i wouldn't want to be near that shore ever!

Lucy said...

It may not be the way you wanted it to be, but you sure spooked me! Nice imagery. :)

ozymandiaz said...

The only critique I have to offer is perhaps rearange the sequence

as

foaming water gives rise to steam
ripples disappear into nothing

unholy sounds pierce the calm
strange shapes emerge, dancing

shadows form out of nowhere
walking creepily towards shore

revolting fascination takes over
watching unheard of creatures

on cascading stream, eeriness
enhances those unheard of fears

sounds of night hold to enthral
until dawn breaks, sunlight falls.

Pen and the Sword said...

The great thing about poetry is, that it can be interpreted differently by different people. I, for one, think this was a great poem... well written and perfect for the season.

Marja said...

A whole hearted applause for this half hearted attempt. You are a master with words Gautami

Pam Aries said...

Sometimes... .when one really doesn't feel like writing, I think the little gremlins are up to their old tricks! THey want you to feel halfhearted or WORSE! Write anyway! ..You Did and it's fine!

sage said...

do they have Halloween in Delhi too? Nicely done

tumblewords said...

This may be the first shore I'll try to avoid. No telling what ghostly things are creeping about. Appropriately haunting!

Herb Urban said...

I thought the imagery was very effective. Your "half hearted" pieces are always top notch in my eyes. It is not easy being so demanding of ourselves, but it is not something we have choice over.

Fenny said...

I thought it was very atmospheric and well done ... if all your halfhearted attempts are like this ... you got nothing to worry about

Rambler said...

Gauthami,
I liked the way you paint the picture about the fears, unheardness makes it a little more spooky

Rae Trigg said...

I agree with steve: if that's half-hearted, I would love to see full effort. Your words gave me a picture of a lake (or any body of water) at night, with mist rising off it, and the sometimes spooky sounds of the night echoing in the air. I enjoyed reading it.