[Fiction] Friday Challenge for October, 19 2007:
What happens when a character, while cleaning out a house before moving out, finds a roll of film?
fanciful furniture packed with much care
clothes all scattered pile up on the stairs
on slightest of whim, their tempers flair.
things lie haphazard, she stacks the books
not attending to him, feeling dirty looks
on her back. full boxes pushed into nooks,
she goes back, checking drawers finding
a roll. seeing it he gets up fast, snatching
from her hand. he doesn’t answer, asking
goes vain. with absolute air of detachment
he refuses her pleas. her jerking movements
cause him as much hurt. in that apartment
they are now adversaries. all forgotten they
watch each other. her eyes will him to stay
at once place. he understands, doesn’t sway,
knowing he cannot allow her to see film roll
photo of their dead child would tear at her soul.
15 comments:
I can feel the emotions going back and forth between him, her and the roll of film. Kind of sad reading the end.
So sad. Very nice flow. I agree with lissa... the emotions going back and forth were so vivid.
Hey there, your link isn't working over on Write Stuff. Just thought you'd like to know. Yes, this does have a sad ending.....
You are so talented.
Michele sent me over to read your poem.
flows like a river. cascades like a waterfall. wonderful.
hello, Michele sent me!
very good post
It's set up that they're petty and childish themselves, but then the punch in the gut that makes it so real and serious and unrecoverable at the end. Devastating.
this reminds me of another piece i believe you did about someones child dying... excellently done.. your link on ff is not working,, if you care to fix it.....
It amazes me how vivid a scene can be painted with such terse words. I could really see what was going on. Nicely done. Care to guess what's on "my" roll of film? ;-)
Oh wow! I've felt similar feelings of contention just in the context of moving throughout my marriage. How much worse would it be with that kind of a loss. Very well done! Hear wrenchingly beautiful.
You wallow in the same place a lot!
I have tears welled up in my eyes. You move the reader quickly and beautifully to a place of vulnerability.
Good. Sad.
ohhhh... what an ending!
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