Saturday, October 27, 2007

In Sickness-----Sunday Scribblings

When I read this week's prompt Hospital for Sunday Scribblings, I kind of went numb. I almost did not want to write for it.


The first time I was in any hospital was the day I was born. The most important day of my life and I do not remember anything about it. I might have gone back there for various shots. I still do not recollect.

I think I was around three years old when my dad was admitted into a hospital when he went into a coma after bleeding internally due to a peptic ulcer. My brothers were 10, 9 and 2 years at that time. With all four kids under 10, my mom having no support system, most of the time all of us were in the hospital huddling together. I remember my older two brothers putting up brave fronts and stoically taking care of my younger brother and me while my mom had to run around for the doctors etc. I can still smell the disinfectant, which I hated at that time. I did not understand that my dad was serious. I do not recall my mom breaking down. She had no time to think. However, my dad recovered fully and that was the end of it.

After 28 years in 1999, his ulcer erupted yet again and he was back in hospital. My brothers rallied around with me. The doctors were not very optimistic about him. Somehow, we did not lose hope. Moreover, this time we took care of him taking turns to watch over dad. Mom, as usual was a pillar of strength. My dad did get well and was back home.

In May 2002, my dad fell down and fractured his hipbone. He did undergo a surgery for that. When he came out of the anaesthesia, he was in a good mood. For two days, he joked around and looked forward to get back home. Suddenly something went wrong, and he was in a coma. Three days after that, he was gone forever.

I have been in and out of hospitals in between and afterwards too for various reasons. I do not have much recollection about those dates and years. Hospital reminds me of only these three instances involving my dad.

36 comments:

Jo said...

Sorry Gautami.....I'm where you were then and it's no fun.

Herb Urban said...

Gautami,

I am very sorry for your loss. I have been there and know that pain all too well.

When I read this week's prompt, I a similar reaction to yours. I spent the first eleven plus years of my life in and out of hospitals, visiting my sick dad. Even though he passed away over twenty years ago, my family is still numbed by the loss and many have remained emotionally frozen in February 1984.

I couldn't bring myself to write about it on my blog for some reason, so I left a few paragraphs about it in the comments section of this week's prompt and linked to something entirely nonsensical. We all cope in different ways I suppose.

Rob Kistner said...

Gautami -

My heart goes out to you regarding your father. It is hard to see someone we love suffer.

My adoptive father,whom I loved, was in and out of hospitals with heart attacks. A massive attack in 1983 left him brain dead and on a ventilator.

It fell to me to make the decision to pull the plug after a week of watching his dead body heaving under the forced oxygen. Neither my adoptive mother nor my step-brother had the courage to let him rest in peace.

I loved him very much. It was hard to make the decision, but it was humane.

lissa said...

Sad reading this. I'm sorry to hear about your father. I hope you have find some comfort in your family through all this.

Robin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I imagine that losing a parent is the sort of pain that never goes away, even if in time it becomes somehow bearable.

arboleda said...

about smell in hospital is very particular...you got that well!

Steve said...

I guess like all humans we dwell on the sadness. For the majority of my experiences with hospitals death has always followed.

But a few times the birth of children.

It is so easy to remember the bad and forget the good!

Just Jen said...

What a difficult situation to be in. My heart goes out to you.

paisley said...

well in his situations with the bleeding ulcers i guess we have to be thankful there was a hospital to go to ,, as there is no home remedy for something like that...

colleen said...

I do relate. My dad had bleeding ulcers too and had half his stomach taken out. He had many other problems too. I'm surprised he lasted till 81. That's his hand I'm holding on my post.

UL said...

So sorry to hear about your loss, I cant imagine anything harder than loosing one's parent, but healing comes with time, and I hope you and the family are healing well.

Remiman said...

gautami,
I am sorry for your loss. When a parent dies, no matter the age, it's devastating.
rel

tumblewords said...

So sorry. You are never old enough to lose a parent. And you're always too young to be in the hospital.

forgetfulone said...

I also wrote about my father's death. Strange, isn't it, how we women tend to think of our dad's first thing? I miss my dad so much as I'm sure you do. It's not something we "get over" is it?

Bonggamom said...

Your mother is indeed a pillar of strength, bless her. Those were not easy things to go through.

Don Iannone said...

So sorry to hear this Gautami. My thoughts and blessings. Beautifully written.

dsnake1 said...

take care, Gautami. the memories can be painful.

Jennifer Hicks said...

i'm sorry for your loss. hospitals usually don't hold good memories and this is a heavy prompt.

Gemma said...

Hospitals hold similar memories for many of us. This prompt was difficult because of those memories.

Frances said...

I lost my dad too. I was 29 at the time, and the person who loved me no matter was gone.
At the time I felt both filled with all kinds of emotions and yet totally empty.
Sending good vibes across the seven seas,
Frances

Cynthia E. Bagley said...

I know it is hard... Hugs.

sister AE said...

Hello, Gautami. I love remembering my dad in his role as doctor, both at his office and at the hospital. But I am still not ready to write on my public blog about his time as a patient, either in the hospital or later in the nursing home. He has been gone since early 2005, but some things are still too fresh.

I applaud your courage that you did write this piece. I offer you my caring thoughts.

Ghost Particle said...

our moments of joy and sorrow revolve around places...either for life or death these place are important. we are forever alive and remembering these places. Its intriguing that our conciousness easily indentifies those moments. I wish to say I feel you, but most of the time i choose not to think of death knowing that I can never face it. Im always scared of hospitals, the dentist and all else. My last vivid moment is when my uncle died there...God Bless all.

polona said...

some poignant memories you have shared here. peace to all of you.

Devil Mood said...

I'm sorry you have such sad memories of the hospital. Unfortunately most of us do, it's not a neutral place like a store or a coffee shop. It's a place where our healths are at stake and that's always a worry.

Lucy said...

so sorry for your loss. I know this may not help you feel better, but my dad passed when I was only 3. As much as it hurts to lose someone you've loved, I think you're so lucky that you had all those years to experience what sounds like a wonerful, loving father/daughter relationship. I know you must treasure those memories. I wish I had some memories of my dad. I mostly remember because of the stories I've been told. Thanks for sharing your deepest sadness with us. :)

Patois said...

How fortunate that he was able to fully recover the first two times. How sad that he couldn't for the third. The loss of a beloved parent, regardless of our own age, hits so damn hard.

Joseph C. Harris said...

I had a similar reaction to your's about this weeks prompt. It took me a couple of days to write it. Thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog.

John Tran said...

Gautami,
It's never easy to see a loved one suffer, so losing one is the toughest thing to bear. Please accept my condolences. A few years back, my wife lost both her parents within 3 months of each other and it was very painful.

January said...

I'm very sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like a resilient man who raised a strong family. Thanks for sharing your story.

Gill said...

Oh Gautami, that must have been so hard for you and your family. I'm so sorry. Thanks for sharing something so close to your heart.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

This was a tough prompt for many of us. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father ... much peace, JP/deb

homo escapeons said...

1980
I remember coming home to an empty house and getting a phone call from a Nurse..my Dad had another Heart Attack and was in Intensive Care.

When I got there I barely recognised him..he looked so tired and grey. My Mother, Sister and I had been walking on eggshells for the last few years, after his first MI, and I had dreaded this moment every single day..
I could barely come to grips with it.

I hated the Hospital. My sister was a Nursing Student so she explained all of the terminology and the diagnosis was grim.

I remember holding his hand and gently joking with him about all of the things that he had to stick around for. He put on a very brave face but passed away the next morning.

I have missed him every day and from that point on I wondered if my DNA would allow me to make it past 46. This December I will turn 50 and I realise how young that really is.

I have tried to emulate his laid back approach to Parenting as much as possible. In my mind that is the best way to keep him alive. What would Dad do? I try to keep that in mind when I am dealing with Life.

Pen and the Sword said...

I am sorry that you had so much sadness in your life. I am also deeply sorry for the loss of your father. Thank you for sharing this personal accounting however.

Joyce said...

Gautami,

Thank you for leaving a comment at my blog. I'm so glad you did because it enabled me to find yours. Your post on your father made me feel as if I had a kindred spirit. My best to you and your loved ones.

Bone said...

I'm so sorry, Gautami.

I'd never wanted to see another hospital again :(

I guess one of my greatest fears is losing my parents.