Friday, October 19, 2007

rolled into a corner---[Fiction] Friday



[Fiction] Friday Challenge for October, 19 2007:

What happens when a character, while cleaning out a house before moving out, finds a roll of film?


fanciful furniture packed with much care

clothes all scattered pile up on the stairs
on slightest of whim, their tempers flair.

things lie haphazard, she stacks the books
not attending to him, feeling dirty looks
on her back. full boxes pushed into nooks,

she goes back, checking drawers finding
a roll. seeing it he gets up fast, snatching
from her hand. he doesn’t answer, asking

goes vain. with absolute air of detachment
he refuses her pleas. her jerking movements
cause him as much hurt. in that apartment

they are now adversaries. all forgotten they
watch each other. her eyes will him to stay
at once place. he understands, doesn’t sway,

knowing he cannot allow her to see film roll
photo of their dead child would tear at her soul.


15 comments:

lissa said...

I can feel the emotions going back and forth between him, her and the roll of film. Kind of sad reading the end.

Pen and the Sword said...

So sad. Very nice flow. I agree with lissa... the emotions going back and forth were so vivid.

Jo said...

Hey there, your link isn't working over on Write Stuff. Just thought you'd like to know. Yes, this does have a sad ending.....

Geggie said...

You are so talented.

Michele sent me over to read your poem.

cocaine jesus said...

flows like a river. cascades like a waterfall. wonderful.

Joe said...

hello, Michele sent me!

Computer Whiz said...

very good post

pjd said...

It's set up that they're petty and childish themselves, but then the punch in the gut that makes it so real and serious and unrecoverable at the end. Devastating.

paisley said...

this reminds me of another piece i believe you did about someones child dying... excellently done.. your link on ff is not working,, if you care to fix it.....

~willow~ said...

It amazes me how vivid a scene can be painted with such terse words. I could really see what was going on. Nicely done. Care to guess what's on "my" roll of film? ;-)

Square1 said...

Oh wow! I've felt similar feelings of contention just in the context of moving throughout my marriage. How much worse would it be with that kind of a loss. Very well done! Hear wrenchingly beautiful.

Whitesnake said...

You wallow in the same place a lot!

Jodi Cleghorn said...

I have tears welled up in my eyes. You move the reader quickly and beautifully to a place of vulnerability.

Ingrid said...

Good. Sad.

polona said...

ohhhh... what an ending!