Thursday, October 02, 2008

Locked in the attic

Suddenly out of nowhere, I started to write this. When my mind said write, I had to. And now I know why..... Poetry, prose, I don't know what to call it.
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Icicles form on the walls invisible to all but me. I notice because I feel the coldness seep into me. I grab your arm, which is not there. At least not for me. When you speak, I shut myself in savouring the words. Merging it with my thoughts. I have memories of the stupidest things. Like the way you slurp you tea. Or scratch the back of your head. Forgetting the important ones. That is, your plans about our future. Which excludes me.


Regrets. What of it? Words I did say? Or the words you didn't hear? Does it matter? And in what form? Solidified? Out in the open is claustrophobic for me. I can't breath you there. With everything that is beyond me, I did what I could. I did what I had to. Looked at you. With closed eyes. Spoke to you with non-words. Common courtsey compelled you to compromise. If only for a while. You were there talking to me. I was there, not breathing.

In the book I never wrote, you are forbidden territory. Familiarity of it consumes me, splitting my guts. Reality of the imagination is the mirror of my thoughts. Locked in the attic with a rusted lock and non-existent key. Serves me right, wouldn't you say?

31 comments:

here it is!!!! said...

Very humanly romantic.

Sweet Talking Guy said...

I think your character has captured the grieving process here. It's a powerful piece of writing and the line 'Reality of the imagination is the mirror of my thoughts.' Wow!

keithsramblings said...

This is awesome. Your choice of words could not be better.

karen crone said...

oh, man!
I've been in that attic. a few times.
wonderful
thanks

anthonynorth said...

Very imaginative. Speaking straight from the mind.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Definitely prose. It would have been a fabulous piece to discuss point of view, back in college.

Keshi said...

wow!

Absolutely creative and deep.

Keshi.

Granny Smith said...

This is very moving, a real capture of human emotion.

Stan Ski said...

Is the attic the room where arrangements are made for you, without your knowledge, or where you are sent for contesting them?

Philip Thrift said...

Poetry.

That it is in the mode of prose (versus verse) works nicely here!

venus66 said...

Wonderful! Very imaginative. Thank you.

Annamari said...

It is a sad post.
A well written post.
In the book I never wrote, you are forbidden teritory...I'd start a book with this sentence.

- A - C - said...

To me, it sounds like a dream, or a half dream, one you can hardly tell from reality.

Crafty Green Poet said...

beautifully sad...

Awareness said...

HI Gautami....I like the short concise sentences. It gives the piece a definate mood.

I'm with Annamari....you could use that line to begin a novel! :)

Robin said...

Such a sad feeling post. Perhaps at second look there is a small window in that attic, waiting to be opened...

Linda Jacobs said...

This is definitely a porse poem!

"Looked at you. With closed eyes. Spoke to you with non-words."

Love this! And also the slurping tea!

Tina Trivett said...

Bravo! Very thoughtful.

Bawdy Wench said...

I don't think it serves you right at all. Every human has things they've done wrong or had done to them, but to be locked up and frozen is not a punishment. Let yourself feel and be real and allow the past to unthaw.

Bobbi said...

"Out in the open is claustrophobic for me." That quote so reasonates with my life!

artpredator said...

i like the last stanza/paragraph particularly well...

very strong description of a very painful place to be!

Devika said...

sad and touchy!
prose is so meshed..it hides the poetry...
loved reading it Gautami!
devika

Rambler said...

"Regrets. What of it? Words I did say? Or the words you didn't hear? Does it matter? And in what form? Solidified?"

what a word play along the lines of regret..fantastic

Patois said...

So very sad. Powerful, yes, but very sad.

B. Roan said...

It only takes a few words to capture the gut wrenching truth within. BJ

. said...

In the book I never wrote, you are forbidden territory. (!)

Emily Ezpeleta said...

What a sad end-of-love story. I understand it completely. Sometimes it is just that connection that you ask for in writing. Let somebody know that you feel like they do, and they in return let you know.

tumblewords said...

Wonderfully descriptive - the images and emotions are vividly portrayed! Super post!

DJ Mommy said...

Feels like you reached into my heart and pulled all of my pain and anguish out and spilt it onto the page! So real and raw. Captured the pain of lost love so very well. Great post!

khambagirl said...

Very powerful words! Well done.

Jill said...

Brilliant peace of work. Full of raw emotion.

All I can really say is "Wow!"