Wednesday, January 07, 2009

poem in draft-----somebody watching you

suddenly you experience fear
looking around you seek that source
thinking what schemes set about
false feelings of true panic
where nothing seems postive

unaware that
from unknown peepholes
someone stares at you
without any fear of discovery
overhead from the elevators;
or mesh between two closets-

it pricks from undergrounds too;
in the labyrinth of pipes
under those
crowed highways
he keeps himself hidden
with much deception

he might be your neighbour
one of your best mates yet
creeping into your life
possesing a perverted mind,
filled with sadistic streak

36 comments:

ThomG said...

this is quite heavy with emotion. You feel the weight of what's going on in this person's thought process.

sage said...

Interesting (it is paranoid or real?)

anthonynorth said...

There's a great snese of paranoia in this.

anthonynorth said...

Forgive the typo. The computer must be conspiring against me.
Paranoid, or what?!!! :-)

Art and Poetry said...

It is heavy and very unusual!!

Tumblewords: said...

Scary, chilling and feels like non-fiction. Good work!!

Whitesnake said...

Very well done!

Donn Coppens said...

That is really creepy.
I am sorry but I have to ask you a few questions for the report..
quite routine I assure you.

Do you remember the first instance that your personal space felt violated?

Can you think of any reason that a co-worker or relative may be holding a grudge? Have you recently received an unwarranted promotion or won a ridiculous sum of money at the casino?

Have you recently dissolved a corporation and paid yourself an exhorbitant golden parachute?

Finally, were you involved in a romantic relationship with a sociopathic anarchist that ended poorly?

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

yes, this can happen- sometimes from a "her" rather than a "him" :)

Devika said...

I think I agree with Andrew, Gautami

I myself watch the moves of people so closely...ofcourse try to do it without them knowing the slightest..

that forms the basis of my understanding the ways of the world..

Writers are used to doing that, i feel

wishes,
devika

gautami tripathy said...

donn, you finally found time to visit your best mate in India?

*grin*

Maybe it was you who is watching me..!

In a serious tone: here I speak about sick, perverted, sadistic people. There is no dearth of those in our personal lives or even in the web world.

Creepy, won't you say? But then, you won't!

Melody said...

This is creepy, you've caught your reader's attention, and I'm sure have some checking around. Great piece. (you're welcome for the link, and thank you for your great comments).

Carole said...

This is scary and very much in tune with the times in which we're living.

skin

trinitystar said...

or even CCTV. They are watching you everywhere. Big Brother!

Great poem Gautami :o)

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

Eerie and evocative. Love it.

Linda



HEART OF A READY WRITER – Reading Through the Bible in 2009

a square peg said...

strange...not sure if the subject of the poem is schizophrenic or if the stalking is true, which makes it all the more ominous...

Beloved Dreamer said...

Wow Tami, this is powerful words. It makes me want to look over my shoulder. The images alone are frightful and leaves one with an uneasy feel.
Great stuff and well written my friend.
Thanks for adding me to Monday Poetry Train blog roll.


love, Melanie-bd

Sweet Talking Guy.. said...

Scary to think about! I hope nobody's got you under surveillance (not sure if I spelt it right) You present this phobia well!

TD said...

I think Thom has it right. Very heavy. I feel a loss of breath by the end.

On another note, thank you for the constructive criticism. After having read it again, I realize my piece could certainly use some editing.

Lion Chiller said...

yes.. we are being watched... eerie feeling do come at times to us, but the biggest watcher-over-us is th inside of our minds, the subconscious!

Ghost Particle said...

this is more probing, deep into the mind.

lets have tea shall we?

"Philo" said...

This reminds me of a book I saw the other day The Science of Fear: Why We Fear the Things We Shouldn't — and Put Ourselves in Greater Danger (pub. July 2008, Dan Gardner).

This poem could make a nice accompaniment.

angel said...

Would be an awful way to live, looking over your shoulder.

polona said...

things like that can make one paranoid... well done

one more believer said...

hmmm the dark side... another great one!!!

Borut said...

Or, just a possibility, a faint one: an unbiased observer!?:)

Lorraine said...

mmm...this is incredible, that happened to me, only to discover I'm the threat...;)

Linda Jacobs said...

This gave me goosebumps! It's true; we never really know our neighbors or even strangers, for that matter. I'll be looking over my shoulder all day!

Powerful!

Jeeves said...

This is creepy, more so because it can happen to anyone!!!beautifully said and very deep

Danika / OpenChannel said...

I agree with the rest... creepy. I guess you did your job if you made our skin crawl a bit, though. :-)

angie said...

Love the atmosphere...and great use of the prompts!

Pam said...

The beating heart of the is poem is so in-line with the fear that seems to be prevalent throughout the world. We aren't sure what is lurking but it must certainly be something bad! Well done.

Here It Is!!!! said...

There have been times when everyone thinks of what others must think of them. This feeling is never good.
I certainly hope my friends and family realize I am there for them at the dining table to give a hug and hold thir hands when they go thru such thoughts.

Love
R

Norma said...

I have a chill! Very good.

gel said...

emotionally charged and creepy but I think you want the reader to feel that

were those words highlighted for a prompt or your choice?

MissMeliss said...

I read this when you first posted it, then got distracted and didn't comment...but I thought it was interesting, and well done. You use language so well.