Friday, October 01, 2010

Haibun in 55 words!

A piece of white cloth I had bought, to paint on it, turned out to be a bigger project than I had anticipated. Now the shape on it hurts me no end. Blindly I seek you to ask where I placed it.

you were present here
what abyss propelled you in
shroud wraps around you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not all I write is a personal reflection. Please do bear that in mind while reading and commenting. Remember, poets/writers have very vivid imaginations and have the insight for empathy too. You will agree with that if you are either or both. However, many a times we forget the distinction and presume and assume.

43 comments:

Brian Miller said...

intriguing...i agree with your ending statement...i have had to dileniate between truth and fiction on mine a few times...the lines get blurred at times when writing...nice 55...

moondustwriter said...

I love the simplicity of the shroud and yet the significance. I too agree as a writer I have an expansive imagination but it's not real.

have a great weekend

and thanks for letting One shot be part of 55

Victoria said...

Open beginning, potential for painting, mysterious ending. Somehow it seems right that the color is white.

Erratic Thoughts said...

Interesting :)

ladynimue said...

this was sad .. even as a write .. i can't stop thinking of the irony here ...

anthonynorth said...

Nice one. And yes, that distinction must often be made.

Mary said...

You said so much in 55 words. I love the haibun form.

(And I agree as well with your ending statement!)

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

Excellent...so profound are your words. AND the commentary at the end, so so true!!

Here is my 55 link

Diane T said...

A beautiful haibun, a poem I can visualize. And only 55 words!

Tilly Bud said...

I like your use of the haibun for this prompt; it seems apt.

dustus said...

Nice 55! The emotional search and artistic sentiment is intriguing.

clean and crazy said...

yes there is a lot left to the imagination. i actually imagined this shroud the one of turan. i think you did a beautiful job and picked the perfect 55 words

Linda said...

When I teach creative writing workshops, I remind the participants that all pieces are to be read as fiction--unless the writer says that the piece is memoir. Too often readers assume that everything comes out of personal history.

This is an evocative piece.

Derrick said...

An intriguing twist; something so innocent becomes very different.

MorningAJ said...

Very moving words. I guess we've all experienced loss at some time so there is truth in the emotion, if not in the facts.

TALON said...

This is very layered...and thought provoking...

"Now the shape on it hurts me no end..." - that will linger with me.

Someone Is Special said...

Nicely done..

Mine is up..

--Someone Is Special--

irene said...

Intriguing..

Alice Audrey said...

Frankly, reading this from a point of view of insight and empathy makes this make more sense. It's a clear feeling, but not a clear event.

flaubert said...

Gautami excellent haibun! And I like the twist at the end.
Pamela

Vodka Logic said...

interesting.. and I liked the comment after... very good imaginations.

joanny said...

Interesting thoughts -- for writing is always born out of the imagination of the 'theater of our mind' truth - fiction a combination of both.

Cheers,
Joanny

Claudia said...

yes - we presume and assume - you said lots with your 55

pwf said...

Interesting idea that a small project could take on a life/death beyond it's intended purpose.
I'm tempted to have something like your closing note as a permanent feature of my blog. sometimes I just like the way the words fit together.

Tumblewords: said...

Interesting piece - I enjoyed the visuals. Agree with your comments -

Monkey Man said...

Great 55 with haibun. I also appreciate very much your post script. I so know that feeling where I have had to explain on occassion that - "No, this isn't about you" or "No, I am not depressed, I just have the ability to express a variety of feelings."

Belinda said...

Oh,I liked this very much. 55 and haiku, clever.

Eric Alder said...

I know what you mean about empathic writing - sometimes I write things based on the experiences of others too. I find empathy comes when you try to see things from another's point of view.

Priyanka Bhowmick said...

i found it very interesting, the way you put the reflection on a shroud. good one. Even i too face provoked responses at times on my poems. Readers should understand that poems can be imaginative too.

PattiKen said...

What an intriguing 55. You are right about the product of a writer's imagination. It seems the better the writer, the more believable the poem or story, and the more likely readers are to believe they are reality rather than fiction or fantasy.

Nessa said...

Rabbit, rabbit.

Your 55 is so interesting. it really makes me think and wonder.

Elizabeth said...

So much said in so few words, you capture a life time with your poem. And I also agree with your postscript.

Elizabeth

Jannie Funster said...

I LOVE your imagination!! And that you let it flow and fly where it will to create such deep and lasting impressions. If you are not hurting anyone, why NOT take poetic license!

Bravo!!

xo

Systematic Weasel said...

Very tight and compact read! Excellently written! =)

-Weasel

rallentanda said...

Enigmatic poem.Puzzled!

Cynthia Short said...

The sadness in this piece just exudes through every word.

Linda said...

I can relate to the truth or fiction issue. When I post fiction I have written, I usually indicate at the end that it is a work of fiction, and still people react as if it's a true story. Hubby says it's a sign of good writing - that I made it sound real.

alex :) said...

hmmmm....
great poem
made me think hahahaha
):)(:(

christopher said...

Indeed, even though I write in first person, I am not always the person who writes. In fact, several poems in my growing body of work are poems of shape shifting and I take that ability to be a great blessing. How else can I be a great mage or a tiny frog or a lover of a goddess?

How else can I tell the world?

Pam said...

I really like the starkness of your imagery. Nicely written.

Cara Holman said...

Thought-provoking haibun. I admire your brevity. I too attempted another haibun this week.

Jingle said...

nest 55.

magiceye said...

fascinating