a clumsy attempt to fly
dreams land on the sharp edge of axe
shattering sky can't make her vanish
clouds settle to listen to her pleas
no amount of name calling can bring her down
in her suspended state
no one can rub into her thoughts
sky melts into her
droplets fall on the ochre ground
how she desires a snowed feeling
as she cuts the clouds with a knife
"atmosphere seeps into her skin-
making her oblivion a mockery"
18 comments:
So much beauty in this. I especially liked the last sentence and the making a mockery bit. Very nice!
You capture the picture beautifully with the wordle words weaving through your phrasing.
'dreams land on the sharp edge of axe' and
'cut clouds with knife' ~ such powerful images ~ Hope she re-create her dreams again...
Somehow the image of dreams dissolving worked so well with the word and the image.. very well done.
Wonderful reading, well expressed.
ZQ
A great visual for an other reality kinda feel. Engaging poem
I especially like "sky melts into her".
In between feeling you can gather your senses and prepare to fight! Maybe that's her strength
love the cutting of clouds with a knife with the contrast of the floating feel of the poem.....
Oh my friend of old. I am so glad to see that you are still writing.
What a beautiful write it is. Your imagery is lovely and your words, delicately woven into a powerful image and story. You have grown much. i have been gone for a few years but am now writing again.
When I created a new blog site I could find none of the old poetry sites to post on. It would seem that all have moved on. I find this a sad thing. I am now following you on goggle and will be back. I have two blogs. beloveddreamer.wordpress.com and beloveddreamer.blogspot.com. You knew me as both beloveddreamer and cassiopiarises. Hope you can find me.
Melanie Bishop
I liked the line about dreams landing on the sharp edge of an axe. This is a creative write!
How good it is to read your work each week and fly with you.
Beautifully expressed with lots of pathos
lovely lines..
I especially like that last line..
It is nice when the clouds stop to listen..
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