facts and figures

such a rock
a burden really one has to carry
no one to fuss.
miserable holds no meaning
sweet charisma prove nothing
a straight road twisted with enough interest
a wish
all within the mind
don't make a bust of me
I don't want it
never did.
prove what to you again-
in the jumbled figures, 
I cannot find

If you could not give it to me then
I don't want it now
hope someday you go figure the whats and whys

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am trying to cull many things out of my life. Only by culling, we can embrace new experiences. I am trying. God knows, I am trying...

vinyl dreams

Charlotte Gainsbourg, AnOther

lost in the vinyls
she looks out into her past
trapped in the circle of life
she does not not subscribe to sadness
everything can be said but it is never ever done
edges are always raw
one has to scale that
in the mist of the songs in her mind
chimes are curved, scattered and tattered
a mirror reflects the vast step she has taken
no one skirted the issues like she did
holding on to the last straw was never her agenda

vinyl is plastic, undead to environment
jumbled songs play out cheerily loud
bravo for it, bravo for it

contemplation

the steep steps of poetry breaks into my stupor
like a drunk, I gravitate my naked feelings 
towards that ditch of feelings
my mind's breaks have failed
I am unable to hold on that diminishing virtue
such a burden to all
can you lead me to that palace 
where I can wish to be myself
in the stretchy bends of life
there is no room for turmoil
if I could only believe that
I don't want to relive the past

hidden from the world, I escape you
just let me be with my poetry
I will not put brakes even if it cuts into me


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writing this after 11 weeks. My muse had died suddenly but seems to have come back. I am not sure if it going to last or not. I do not even know what I wrote above makes sense or not. Does it, do let me know!!

threadbare

Red Chair

far away trees sway on the mountain top 
scent of nature fill into him
held by that red chair, he escapes
falls in a heap outside that window
flecks of dust are a sight to behold
in the filtered sunlight
he leaves behind all that load
what you physically see here is just a manifestation
where skimmed shadows tempt fate

no end comes out of the flood of his thoughts

phantom walls

phantom birds-
not much to recommend
hollow walls never tell tales
although brook in the woods does
I never notice leaping birds in rocky path
dry land does not interest them
when we get to listen to phantom screams
the walls will fall apart
no marriage can survive closed walls

"new walls will be built out of silence
why do I wish for that, I wonder"

diffused

Verdun, 1917 by Felix Vallotton

lights jumped all around her

the pain was excruciating

narrow beams struggled to grow wider

she wished to taste the sky

but was nailed to the earth

she felt as if sleeping on mud

all squishy and mishy mashy

diffused into the lights
her mind was fused to her heart
body refused to follow either
blackest of black clouds blanket her

"she will escape before that arrow of light pierces into her"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have Central serous retinopathy in my left eye....which is fluid leakage under the retina....that means I have blurred vision for now....

It will clear up with time....I have been told to reduce my stress. I had taken leave from work and right now I just trying to relax doing nothing. Not much of reading, watching TV or even use my laptop.....It has been more than a month now....

crossbow

under the crust of the earth
something explodes
you smile with brittle charm
my fever for you is unbearable
rustle of the willows
scare away the scarecrows
strange it might be
but the piercing breeze does not lie
invisible wind blows you away
I know I should stop that but I do not

my fingers are covered with sheaths
while again something explodes
deep within me

"I know I am the target but don't quite know in what way"

healing power of the soul

Sick Woman, 1665, by Jan Steen

why is your pulse racing
why do you feel so lethargic
woman, what is wrong with you
you sweet face is so pale
you lie lifeless

I wish to heal you
a doctor in your time of need
yet I see fire in your eyes,
your vision darting everywhere
as if questing for something

that gives me hope
that death cannot take you away
you will fight all the way
this room is your shelter now
but you have a long way to go

I keep hearing you say
'how beautifully leaves grow old
yet I am so cold'
your words will give you warmth
I see it in your spirit

"nurturing the soul is everlasting,
you are doing just fine"

ambivalence

who scurries there, I ask
feeling of tenderness long dissipated
incense sticks help me in my prayers
with a dazed look
I sprinkle holy water every where
my ambivalence empties itself into fear
my breathing steadies itself
while I look under the flaps of envelops
to find a word or two from you

"in my blurred vision
I see only creative wasteland of my past
I will plant new saplings into future
while you see to the cobbled path of my new home"

lure of the impure

It Must Be Time For Lunch Now, 1979, by Francesca Woodman 

I long for you
in the fractured  links of my mind
thinking you would fill in the gaps
and mend the holes
wishful thinking on my part
you have been absent for so long

I blocked you out of my heart
fairly easy task
when one has a blockade
I don't believe in the adage
"sometimes you bend,
sometimes you break"

I hold the fork in my palm
clutch pain to myself
my soul burns infernally
with a mirrored effect on my body
I am not so sure of the lure of you
which is so impure

"I might rock, if my eyes stayed open
and I did not feel so drunk"