something explodes
you smile with brittle charm
my fever for you is unbearable
rustle of the willows
scare away the scarecrows
strange it might be
but the piercing breeze does not lie
invisible wind blows you away
I know I should stop that but I do not
my fingers are covered with sheaths
while again something explodes
deep within me
"I know I am the target but don't quite know in what way"
21 comments:
Two explosions: one under the earth, one in the speaker. Both point to something devastating going on. Powerful.
Whirling with Wendell Berry
The earth moves beneath the feet and there is a response within the heart of the observer. Everyone should see and know, but no one else is aware. Wonderful write,
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2012/10/07/one-day-road-trip/
I came looking for your scarecrow for One Single Impression, and found instead your powerful wordle poem. Did you mistake the link?
Visceral. The kind of love planted somewhere deep within that can't be moved. Bravo.
Love the mystery in this, Gautami. Excellent.
Pamela
Oh I love this. The crossbow and you the target of love. How creative. Wonderful response to the prompt. What a tender love poem. Different. I like.
I love the internal voice in this poem and how external and internal explosions are occuring simultaneously. I wonder what happens next!
interesting...scaring the scarecrows away, when their job is to scare the crows...the explosions within you as well...interesting...
So often we are unknowingly the targets...not always for 'Cupids' arrows.
I like the brevity and depth of this.
Thank you for your visit.
I use the Wordles as puzzle pieces and most always make them fit or bend them to my will...*giggle* It really is my muse at work. :)
I love "invisible wind blows you away.' Some nice phrasings in this poem.
Excellent imagery in this, felt almost a panic.
This is an incredible love poem. Masterful.
I like the line "my fever for you is unbearable" and the way in which you give clues to this fevered process in the poem. The hunter and the hunted are one and the same. Well done.
Unrequited love is painful and heart-breaking. You've described it very well.
There is an eerie, sad feeling of loss in this...emotive!
This is wonderful! It has a mysterious erotic feel to it, and as such has a great deal of power.
Thanks for the visit!
Gautami,
Read 2 poems now. Previous one enthuses encouragement and this one shows helplessness of one who is unable to understand what is going on in life.
Take care
This one is very powerfully written ... loved reading it !!!
interesting first line ~
"under the crust of the earth"
echoed in the last line ~
"deep within me"
i like the mystery and this is full of wonderful phrases! great write!
♥
gautami, your poem is epic. india
and her fragrance her deeply rooted
elegance and strength and willingness to celebrate and adore
the human-ness of us our love.
The history of a thousand nights
in one poem.
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