Friday, January 11, 2008

see you? I don't think so---Friday 5/Friday Fiction

[Fiction] Friday Challenge:

Write a scene that ends with your character saying:
'I never want to see you again.'

Friday 5 words: floss, intense, prey, cease, swallow for January 11, 2008.

holding this way, that way he flosses.
intense pain suddenly cease-
as a tooth has fallen prey
to vigorous brushing.
For a while now, he had been unable
to swallow half chewed food.
he looks at that defenseless tooth.
gleefully throws it into waste bin
shouting at top of his voice,

“I never want to see you again”

23 comments:

kenju said...

Good one! I've never lost a tooth that way, and I'm glad! Michele sent me.

ozymandiaz said...

OUCH!
THere is nothing like tooth pain

paisley said...

i have to agree that OUCH is the best response!!!!!

"swallow it..."

Carmi said...

Oooh, I felt that pain quite viscerally. Richly worded, Gautami. I love how you write!

Michele does, too, so she sent me (again...sorry!) to see your stuff.

david santos said...

Thanks for your posting, Gautami.

Have a good weekend

Michelle Johnson said...

Gautami, this is really good. I couldn't help but, laugh at the last line because you built it up so well visually. Thanks for sharing such a delightful but, painful poem. Have a good weekend.

keith hillman said...

Gautami - what a great response. I felt the pain!

Bob-kat said...

His relief is palpable! What a marvellous way to use the last line and words. Well done.

Michele sent me over to say hi :)

tumblewords said...

Scary dental woes. Crossing fingers as I type - good work...

susan said...

Funny.

polona said...

yikes! not something i'd like to know...

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

Too visual for me, grin. Ending was perfect.

lissa said...

Another one about dental hygiene? I guess reading it is better than experiencing it.

mariacristina said...

I felt a huge relief when the narrator got rid of the tooth!

pjd said...

ah, what a terrific take on the prompt!

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

A unique way of story telling Gautami. I like the fervor with which he disposes of the tooth.

Rose

xo

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Yowie! That's quite a twist -- I had to read this twice to make sure I was reading it right.

Paul said...

Ow. Ow ow ow!

Gautami, I am always amazed at how well you weave poetry from these prompts.

Square1 said...

What a brilliant take on this prompt! I have certainly had other types of things that have caused me pain that I've given triumphant yells over getting rid of. Nicely done as usual.

homo escapeons said...

"Take it to the doc,
I guess he ought to know
Which ones can stay,
which one gotta go
He looks in my mouth and
then he starts to gloat.
He says me teeth are O.K.
But my gums got to go!"
Alice Cooper

btw
The average 'American Sentence' is 6 months in the Local Jail and 5 years in a State Prison.
Good to know.

Kai C. said...

i like this

Jodi Cleghorn said...

Argh - I always over floss - therefore dont do it.

I'm guessing that the tooth fairy wont be visiting to pop some money under the pillow!

Fantastic takeon the prompt!

LittleWing said...

oh that was very good...i believe we can all relate to that...and that you made me laugh w/pain..