Thursday, September 25, 2008

Someday

Posting this from my archives, which I wrote way back in in 2005. Here I have tried internal rhyming along with end-rhymes. This is the only poem where I attempted internal rhyming.

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Photo Credits: Rick Mobbs






















I only want to know,

to dream
how your caress would feel
so dizzy for contact,
making me reel.
unsure how to act,
not good at this game anymore.
but
sure that your love
will seep through my pores
and
expose my soul,
where
now in secret
grows a weedy garden
of needy wasteland.
where
angst and pain
flows like rain
through the dream-cluttered
gutters of my brain.
my mind
screams a silent
refrain of mistakes.
and in
my dreams,
all that I yearn
seems so far away,
on the highest summit,
out of reach.
but
for now
I have to teach
myself to wait,
willing fate to
deliver one day.


23 comments:

carole said...

The rhymes give it an immediacy, an urgency, so that it becomes an entreaty to the loved one. I think you're a week ahead of me. I've been word fishing.

Plato's Cave Re-visited

Anonymous said...

I love the music that goes on and on

Sweet

I hope you still recall who am I

Nasra Al Adawi

Art and Poetry said...

This is a very unusual one!

Bobbi said...

"...dream-cluttered gutters of my brain" - this sums up the conflict that goes on in my brain every day!

SweetTalking Guy.. said...

This is a cry from the soul!

Donn Coppens said...

I understand but you can't get 'gun shy'. We all make mistakes when we first start out but we need to learn from them and move on.

We make our own luck in this world

it would be a mistake
don't hesitate
to find a mate
why sit back and wait for fate
they may arrive too little too late
and then you'll say
well that's just great

*closes Dr Seuss Book

tumblewords said...

Almost a monologue to a loved one! Nice work--

rick said...

Yes!!

Michelle Johnson said...

I agree with Carole that the rhyme gives this piece a certain urgency. And, there's nothing wrong with waiting for that special someone to come along. We've all had to do that at one point or another in our lives. Well done. Have a nice day.

polona said...

a lot of yearning and a beautiful rhythm. love it

confused said...

I enjpyed this...it has a natural rhythm that let the words talk

Stan Ski said...

The torment of knowing exactly what we want, but will we ever have it?

lela b said...

The voice you are writing in here seems to call out for someone you already created in your mind's eye.

venus66 said...

Keeps on waiting. Nice work. Have a great weekend.

Nathan said...

You really get a sense of intense longing and I love the internal rhyme.

Scott Clawson said...

i like the soulfulness found in your poem, very nice indeed. Thank you for sharing it.

christine said...

Passion in both language and feelings. Pure gautami, with a rhyming twist.

get zapped said...

Desire battles patience - nice piece! Love the image too! Thanks for sharing...

artpredator said...

very poignant! and very true...

throwshiswords said...

The poem goes so well with the image. I don't know whether you intended it or not, but I like to imagine the speaker looking into a mirror.

Linda Jacobs said...

This reminds me of Hamlet saying "tis an unweeded garden that goes to seed."

I really like this side of you! You let your emotions hang out and that really makes the poem!

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

God I love this! You pull off internal rhyme well. I choked back tears reading this.

Thank you for posting this.

-Nicole

Indigo B. said...

I normally don't like rhyming poems, but this is nice and if it were spoken, it'd flow really well.

Good sites!