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Photo Credits: Rick Mobbs
I only want to know,
to dream
how your caress would feel
so dizzy for contact,
making me reel.
unsure how to act,
not good at this game anymore.
but
sure that your love
will seep through my pores
and
expose my soul,
where
now in secret
grows a weedy garden
of needy wasteland.
where
angst and pain
flows like rain
through the dream-cluttered
gutters of my brain.
my mind
screams a silent
refrain of mistakes.
and in
my dreams,
all that I yearn
seems so far away,
on the highest summit,
out of reach.
but
for now
I have to teach
myself to wait,
willing fate to
deliver one day.
23 comments:
The rhymes give it an immediacy, an urgency, so that it becomes an entreaty to the loved one. I think you're a week ahead of me. I've been word fishing.
Plato's Cave Re-visited
I love the music that goes on and on
Sweet
I hope you still recall who am I
Nasra Al Adawi
This is a very unusual one!
"...dream-cluttered gutters of my brain" - this sums up the conflict that goes on in my brain every day!
This is a cry from the soul!
I understand but you can't get 'gun shy'. We all make mistakes when we first start out but we need to learn from them and move on.
We make our own luck in this world
it would be a mistake
don't hesitate
to find a mate
why sit back and wait for fate
they may arrive too little too late
and then you'll say
well that's just great
*closes Dr Seuss Book
Almost a monologue to a loved one! Nice work--
Yes!!
I agree with Carole that the rhyme gives this piece a certain urgency. And, there's nothing wrong with waiting for that special someone to come along. We've all had to do that at one point or another in our lives. Well done. Have a nice day.
a lot of yearning and a beautiful rhythm. love it
I enjpyed this...it has a natural rhythm that let the words talk
The torment of knowing exactly what we want, but will we ever have it?
The voice you are writing in here seems to call out for someone you already created in your mind's eye.
Keeps on waiting. Nice work. Have a great weekend.
You really get a sense of intense longing and I love the internal rhyme.
i like the soulfulness found in your poem, very nice indeed. Thank you for sharing it.
Passion in both language and feelings. Pure gautami, with a rhyming twist.
Desire battles patience - nice piece! Love the image too! Thanks for sharing...
very poignant! and very true...
The poem goes so well with the image. I don't know whether you intended it or not, but I like to imagine the speaker looking into a mirror.
This reminds me of Hamlet saying "tis an unweeded garden that goes to seed."
I really like this side of you! You let your emotions hang out and that really makes the poem!
God I love this! You pull off internal rhyme well. I choked back tears reading this.
Thank you for posting this.
-Nicole
I normally don't like rhyming poems, but this is nice and if it were spoken, it'd flow really well.
Good sites!
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