Sunday, October 10, 2010

dad, farther and farther away

in the closet
I catch a whiff
I rummage it again 
in the dark,

standing first on one foot
then another-
I can still see you
in the back of my eyes

my closet encloses 
all I hold dear
encircling too
my lonely thoughts

missing you suddenly
after eight years
I can hear you call me-
you reach me with your hug

"you were my centre, I am still the circumference"

37 comments:

Sandra.if said...

beautiful!!

anthonynorth said...

That last line was perfect.

Harshad mehta said...

Just beautiful. Mind holds last line, not wanting to let go of it!

Susannah said...

I enjoted this... and that last line is wonderful!

Bookie said...

This is interesting, very different....I also looked at your poem about your dad/closet. It is extremely moving...nice work.

gospelwriter said...

I like it - a closet can be a bit like a warm hug, if it contains much of the essence of the one who used it.

Sweetest in the Gale said...

So touching! You captured that moment so vividly.

shanegenziuk said...

This is very well done. Thank you.

SandyCarlson said...

Yes. Beautiful.

irene said...

Unexpected tenderness.

Amity said...

lovely...dramatic! loved the last line! ;-)

Ramesh Sood said...

I can relate to this some.. well Gautami, its always the end line of your poems that to me always seem to be a beginning for your next thought..

RiikaInfinityy said...

great words, love it totally=P

Collective Epiphanies said...

Love the quote "you were my centre, I am still the circumference" and your expression. A creative take on the prompt.

Titanium said...

You brought the sense, the feeling right in to the room with this beautiful verse. The last line is simply haunting...

Brian Miller said...

i love where you take this...and many, i included, long fo that last hug...tight throated i write this...nice one shot!

poemblaze said...

a heartfelt poem. the last line is very strong.

Mary said...

Beautiful and heartfelt poem!

Ben Langhinrchs said...

Beautiful, but sad.

Teresa said...

This is wonderful. It is sad, but truly a beautiful expression of memory.

dustus said...

It is very sad and beautiful, such is life, and the sentiment which is crystal clear in the last line.

Bloggin'withAmanda said...

this hit home for me I lost my dad one year ago I miss him terribly, and this was so touching!

Andy Sewina said...

Wonderful, these memories wil never leave you!

<3

Eric Alder said...

I liked the mathematical last line... a nice One Shot!

Claudia said...

such a heartfelt poem - and the last line just blows me away..beautiful

Gabriela Abalo said...

heartwarming work.

great way to remember...

loveNlight
Gabi

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

Warm tribute!

the wid0w said...

such strong sad longing.. beautifully written

Patti said...

I loved that! And I agree- the last line is excellent!

Beachanny said...

Still feel that way about my husband. I have a few things left in my closet just because. Beautifully written. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Tami, this is a truly sad and moving poem.The last ling is sharp with pain."you were my centre, I am still the circumference" Just beautiful.



Melanie

senderupwords said...

Woah... this is beautiful. Last line GOLD STAR! Love and Light, Sender

Jeeves said...

Amazing, deep and touching

liv2write2day said...

Center/circumference--they form a whole. And one without the other feels incomplete. Nicely expressed.
Victoria

Enchanted Oak said...

I'm glad you came by my place today. Your work is very good, very strong.
But I disagree with everyone here. The finest line in this poem is:

I can still see you
in the back of my eyes

gabrielle said...

I can still see you
in the back of my eyes

is the line that stands out for me too.
the delicate, indelible impression of a dear one. Beautiful!

surbi said...

This one is amazing ...