Sunday, September 25, 2011

let me think of ways to jostle her back





















let me think of ways to jostle her back

by some freak accident
she came to be here 
with her pet raven
an unknown place

let me think of ways to jostle her back

occasionally she has dreamed about this
cooped in that shop
where she clutched the chats
of strolling customers

let me think of ways to jostle her back

now the outside is her place
a move she likes
look how that raven 
motions in the rain

let me think of ways to jostle her back
on second thoughts, I will let her merge into the darkness

35 comments:

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

good take... nice last two lines...

JJRod'z

Kathy Bischoping said...

The image of her in that shop in the middle stanza is particularly strong.

Morning said...

good luck in figuring out ways to jolt her back.

loved your magpie.

Janet said...

very strong imagery here. good use of the words. it is so much fun to see where 12 words can take a mind, isn't it?

christopher said...

gautamy, now I want to know who she is, since she is clearly not you, nor are you the raven it seems. This poem lives and breathes, is more than damp. Perhaps you are the rain.

Heaven said...

Imaginative and creative

"let me think of ways to jostle her back" nice refraining line.

Your last line is food for thought ~

Tess Kincaid said...

Nice...I particularly like the repeating lines...

Laurie Kolp said...

Mmm... I like the repitition in this... beautiful!

The Orange Tree said...

it sounds like a real story.

the repetition makes the tale strong and beautiful.

Peggy said...

I really enjoyed reading this one and the picture really adds to the mood. Excellent! I love seeing where people go with these wordles. And thank you for your visits to my blog and the comments!

Stafford Ray said...

So it was the raven who brought down the rain on her finery! If I was he, I would stand out of kicking range!
Liked the story and the idea but wondered why you let her 'merge into the darkness' when you could have tried harder to jostle her back.

Jo Bryant said...

love the imagery and the linking refrain that draws you back each time

Reflections said...

Wonderful use of the refrain to jostle us back from her space, into the next room's window.

izzy said...

Jostle is such a fine word! and you
ended up leaning in the same kind of direction I went- Thanks.

Lady Em said...

The last lines are my favorite. This is wonderful!

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh, such a difficult decision to be made. Jostle her back to the shop where she was unhappy, or let her remain in the dark, in the place of her dreams.
Who are we to say "It would be better for you to go back to unhappiness"?


Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

Mary said...

Amazing how you wrote this for three separate prompts. Sometimes it is better to merge with darkness, I think. I wrote to all 3 prompts, but if you visit one:

http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2011/09/manifesto.html

Christine said...

sometimes the world inside our head, is better than reality

Ann LeFlore said...

i wish you luck in finding ways to jolt her back this is great the image of her in that shop very well done
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/24/loneliness-the-anger-of-lost-hope/

Mike Patrick said...

Of all the words to use in a repeating phrase, "jostle." I found it to be the most difficult of all, and you play with it; roll it around on the tongue and give it a life.
Marvelous.

brenda w said...

This is a favorite for me today. I love your repetition, the picture, the wordle words. All of it, you created something with intriguing beauty. Brava!

hedgewitch said...

Imaginative, and some really good phrases, with a solid use of repetition.

Brian Miller said...

nice...intriguing write...i like the echo of the refrain through out and the expansion on it at the close...

HyperCRYPTICal said...

Love it - wonder why your second thoughts?

Anna :o]

Nanka said...

Good take on the wordle words!! Progresses beautifully to end with those marvelous last lines!! I liked your second thoughts, she is better outside!!
Don't even think of jostling her back!! :)

fallenelegy said...

imaginative poetry, beautifully done.
that gothic image goes in nicely with the poem.

Catfish Tales said...

Yes, very Goth - a dream state of breathy realism!

Tumblewords: said...

She wouldn't be easy...a wonderful read!

Ann Grenier said...

Very imaginative Gautami. Yes, I wonder too why your thoughts tend to letting her merge into the darkness. Perhaps if the speaker is also the girl on the rock ...

Traci B said...

Wonderful story poem; the use of the refraining line is very effective. Now I'm weaving stories about this mysterious woman and her pet raven - is she a mannequin or statue come to life, a wallflower of a shop girl finally free of a job she hated, a genie let out of a bottle? So many possibilities...

Arnab Majumdar said...

Sometimes, it's better to let them be... sometimes, not always :)

Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com

cathy said...

the repetition added another layer to the poem. oh course is she real or product of a trouble mind ?

Margaret said...

cooped in that shop
where she clutched the chats
of strolling customers

I found that phrase intriguing. Glad she finally got some space, some freedom.

Nicholas V. said...

I like the way you have made the poem climb into that wonderful climax of the last two lines. Powerful and well-crafted.

Marianne said...

Love the repetition in this poem! Your ending lines are brilliant: "let me think of ways to jostle her back
on second thoughts, I will let her merge into the darkness." First-rate ending.