Wednesday, December 31, 2008

packets of love

with a glimmer of passion
with a sweet wish in her heart
nearer to him, she moves,
softly whispering into his ears

"this isn't a poem
about dinosaur bones
or bones buried against clay
but this is my map of you
loving warm and gentle
which no degrees of separation
can take away"

all the while feeling him-
his pockets, for that matter.
barely listening to her
but knowing her intent
he moves away
whispering back-

"our house is gone
which you burnt down
out of jealousy, you ought to
say thanks that the money hasn’t
gone somewhere else
but wisely invested with your sister
you accused me of having an affair with her"

pausing significantly,
he doggedly goes on, walking away

"previously I wasn't but now I do wish to"


Many of the lines have been taken from the Read Write Poem title collage collaborative work. It was fun doing it. To use the titles in the form of a poem is a mighty task. Do check it out.


Anonymous said...

Quite a modern tangle of emotions in this! I also enjoyed they way it's constructed.

Linda Jacobs said...

Fun! I contributed a title but haven't been back to collect them and write a poem with them. You did a fantastic job!

Anonymous said...

Nice poem! I like the twist.
And nice job on the title collage--it was a tough one, wasn't it? ;)

Tumblewords: said...

Great passion in this piece - it's both strong and vulnerable - Nicely done...

Thom Gabrukiewicz said...

I was confused, at first glance (I was distracted - I wrote a very long piece for work today), but after savoring this, I love it. I really like the construction, the passion. I need to check out the site.

PJD said...

Tremendous juxtaposition of the two perspectives. I love the arson angle but hate the character. Very nice. Very efficient.

Anonymous said...

Plenty of passion and drama here. I did the image prompt.
a world in shadows

Rachel Green said...

Lovely piece indeed!

Kristen McHenry said...

I liked what you did with this; and I enjoyed the wicked twist at the end. I love anything that tells a good story, and this was a fun read!

Melody said...

Wow, very clever piece. I really like this little twist. You tell a life time of emotion in these few words. Thanks and Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Hi Gautami, this isn't easy to do, a whole range of emotions and all those contributed titles and yet you made it work. Well done!

Philip Thrift said...

I like the style of the poem of alternating storyteller and soliloquy. Very effective.

Ana said...

I like how you mix poem and naration, title collage and your own is a great job...

Anonymous said...

This had an interesting biting feel to it -- very crisp and cutting... ;)

Anonymous said...

Nicely done!

Anonymous said...

Gautami! So sorry to get back to you at such a late time! But I'm now so glad to have stopped by and read this! :)

This was so cleverly written that I wouldn't have thought it was made up of titles submitted by RWPers. lol

I enjoyed reading this a whole lot! Thank you for sharing and for stopping by my poetry Lj!