staircase trembles
under glassy clouds
when paddock falls apart
settled dust rises
mother comes out of nowhere
untangles her daughter from floor
lets both their tears mingle
powder of dust mistily coating them
her daughter has to be kept hidden
her secret to be guarded
"as long as caricatures of those mighty vultures are outside"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*I thought I will not explain but I will write about vultures. They are much maligned but they do clean our environment. However, there are certain section of people who think that they have to cleanse the society. And they are the caricatures here.
25 comments:
That's a little creepy and sad. It makes me think of wars; and cultures where daughters are killed; all sorts of bad things.
intriguing read...makes me want to know more about wheat is going on...and what she is being hidden from....i know that daughters are in danger in many parts of the world...
Great mystery in this. Excellent.
what an intriguing 55 - wonder what exactly was going on..can only guess
Very effective seed of a story.
As a poem I really like that opening and "mother comes out of nowhere/ untangles her daughter from floor"
Yes, this does set the mind wondering; what is the daughter being hidden for? Intriguing!
Yes, as others have said, this is a mystery, and I find myself wondering many things. The mention of the vultures makes me cringe.
Gautami, this is an intriguing poem.
Well done to prompt.
Pamela
Well done, you are using words in a way that paints a painful image, but one I'm sure people experience and live
Interesting 55.
At first I thought that 'caricatures' was some term for a group of vultures.
Curious, I checked my BIRD LIST and didn't find a name for a group of vultures...
BUT, a group of buzzards is called a wake - that's close enough for me!
Very heartbreaking and beautiful. I love how the mother has come to protect and love her daughter. This is great poetry!
I'm not sure if I'm reading this one right, but it certainly makes a frightful impression.
I thought immediately of war and hiding beneath the stairs. It was very visual and dark and scary -- as is hatred.
Makes me more curious about the back story. Bring us more.
Everything under the sun has a purpose...sometimes we just don't slow down long enough to see what the purpose is. Interesting one!
Ah, yes, the mamas must protect. so many perils. mama and baby deer.
Very intriguing 55!
xo
Wow...this is excellent. I'd like to find out the beginning of all of this. Excellent mystery my friend. Well done :)
Very thought provoking--it makes me wonder about your inspiration for writing this. Unfortunately, there are many possibilities that I can imagine. Very nice 55.
Ya know what I say...
ALWAYS leave em guessing!
Loved your story..
Excellent 55 my friend.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
Cryptic and dusty!
compact, evocative, and truly frightening. it is what we live with that is scary. quite a poem!
Love the misty coat of dust, and that you note why the use of vultures (which I admire).
Vultures do represent cleansing of rotten meat. In some religions like Zoroastrianism , they are also sign of ethnic cleansing
Really like what you did with this. Even without the explanation, the poem sets an effective tone of fear or sadness.
After I read your notation what you wrote made so much sense in fact creepily so!I agree with Quilly made me think of hiding a child from the "oppressor" so to speak, this is food for thought so to speak!
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