is
a front you know
never could
you
understand. slow
as always
my
response had to bow
miserable
mood
keeps me so low
let us both
share
nightmares that flow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wrote half a piku, in my own fashion
Piku:
three lines3 syllables Line 1
1 syllable Line 2
4 syllables Line 3
Next
choose one or two key words
find rhymes for them
slightly re-write the first piku
22 comments:
not a big fan of okay as you are right it is often a cover for other feelings...interesting form on this...
Interesting one shot!
I'm not familiar with a picu, but what I always look for when I read a new poetic form is whether the message and emotion in the poem get lost in the form. Yours definitely do not get lost, Gautami. The feeling in this would shine though no matter the form.
Yours, like mine, seem rather somber. Still it was a fun exercise, was it not? Looking forward to next tomorrow's prompt.
I liked your piku, agree that 'okay' is often a front that avoids deeper expressions. I like the piku form, found it fun.
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2011/05/untitled-pikus.html
Not familiar with this form, but I am grateful for your bringing it here.
And I really liked this poem.
Has great resonance for me.
Lady Nyo
Well done with the pikus, it was indeed fun. BTW I discovered that Gautami is a typeface - I shall investigate further! What about Tripathy?
"Okay" is nothing but B.S. Your piku remind me of how I've observed that people -- myself include -- pass it off as a response when they really aren't okay.
Also, your piku seem to slowly transform and dole out the meaning. Pain is better shared and understood than suffered in silence.
-Nicole
A good use of the piku form. I like your take on "okay". Hope that they find more than nightmare to share.
Richard
Thank you for the form and the great example of is use. Sharing is the basis of love as is listening. I felt your words.
Interesting form you used for sure
But it was great and a whole lot more
Yes okay can mean many things
As to many thoughts it brings
So one should just spit it out
And either laugh or pout..lol
I could not get my headaround or into this form.....but you certainly did well.....thans for sharing
New form of writing...I learn each day from you..you inspire one to pen words of truth and new!
Amazing verses with such a limited form of writing!! Nice feel and flow..
I like that this is one poem in linked pikus. More than okay. :)
this one makes me sad. still, it's beautiful.
piku, a new poetic form, I love exploring new poetic forms.
I guess I would take the expressions into account as well to reach a conclusion. That might help!
Nice take!
I might try a few piku's in the future. I've never heard of a piku before. Good write.
smart write,
smiles,
Thanks for sharing.
Poignant, moving = )
So true how many of us when asked how were doing don't actually answer the question consciously? How many of actually even understand the state of our emotions for all the repressing we do
Thanks for the piku info, nice work! Enjoy the potluck :)
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/06/03/omega/
I've been seeing a lot of piku lately. You did a good job.
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