Thursday, November 06, 2008

ribbons of her thoughts



unseen fall that divides

the soul’s duality
ribbons of her thoughts
tie her down
the radar eyes
scans the forgotten creases

if she carries enough chips
they will become
too heavy to hold
breaking her to splinters

tend the bruise,
the insult, the scab. glue
and mop. restore
and then watch
how the line of her lips
curves into the morning


Collaborative: Taken lines from Rob Kistner, Rethabile, Jeeves, Holly, Nathan and my own.

21 comments:

Whitesnake said...

Now I really enjoyed this one......

Arv said...

That was an interesting read...

Nice compilation...

Have a nice evening.. cheers...

anthonynorth said...

You're getting deeper and deeper. Excellent.

Bill said...

I don't know which lines are your own here, but the last two lines, whether "yours" or not, are beautifully placed.

winedarksea said...

• very well knit

• smooth resolution

• fine work

Borut said...

Heavy thoughts sending my own to splinterts! A go.d job!:)

tumblewords said...

The title is wonderful! And the poem is powerful.

Bobbi said...

"...ribbons of her thoughts
tie her down." Nice!

Linda Jacobs said...

wow, you did a great job making sense with these lines.
"the line of her lips
curves into the morning" is just a gorgeous image!

holly said...

yes...I can really relate to this one...it definitely shows some of my layers...great job!

Stan Ski said...

Lots of images jump out of the words.

Philip Thrift said...

if she carries enough chips ...

Finally dawned on me what this means!

Very cool.

Nathan said...

I really like the way "soul's duality" is echoed by the image of her lips.

christine said...

You did a great job finding your own poem in the mix of lines. I like the hopeful ending.

Rob Kistner said...

gautami -

this was a wonderful piece... ;)

...deb said...

Beautiful. Full of the ambiguity of being human.

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I really like this one!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

The wisdom in here staggers me, lady. Nicely done!

(I especially love the chips being too heavy to hold... that stanza's amazing)

polona said...

this works very well

AmbiguityLotus said...

This is lovely.

There are lots of wonderful lines in this poem. I enjoyed reading this.

Also, thank you kindly for visiting my poetry journal!

Cheers!

http://alotus-poetry.livejournal.com

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Love the way you fitted this all together, cool as a cucumber!