unseen fall that divides
the soul’s duality
ribbons of her thoughts
tie her down
the radar eyes
scans the forgotten creases
if she carries enough chips
they will become
too heavy to hold
breaking her to splinters
tend the bruise,
the insult, the scab. glue
and mop. restore
and then watch
how the line of her lips
curves into the morning
Collaborative: Taken lines from Rob Kistner, Rethabile, Jeeves, Holly, Nathan and my own.
21 comments:
Now I really enjoyed this one......
That was an interesting read...
Nice compilation...
Have a nice evening.. cheers...
You're getting deeper and deeper. Excellent.
I don't know which lines are your own here, but the last two lines, whether "yours" or not, are beautifully placed.
• very well knit
• smooth resolution
• fine work
Heavy thoughts sending my own to splinterts! A go.d job!:)
The title is wonderful! And the poem is powerful.
"...ribbons of her thoughts
tie her down." Nice!
wow, you did a great job making sense with these lines.
"the line of her lips
curves into the morning" is just a gorgeous image!
yes...I can really relate to this one...it definitely shows some of my layers...great job!
Lots of images jump out of the words.
if she carries enough chips ...
Finally dawned on me what this means!
Very cool.
I really like the way "soul's duality" is echoed by the image of her lips.
You did a great job finding your own poem in the mix of lines. I like the hopeful ending.
gautami -
this was a wonderful piece... ;)
Beautiful. Full of the ambiguity of being human.
I really like this one!
The wisdom in here staggers me, lady. Nicely done!
(I especially love the chips being too heavy to hold... that stanza's amazing)
this works very well
This is lovely.
There are lots of wonderful lines in this poem. I enjoyed reading this.
Also, thank you kindly for visiting my poetry journal!
Cheers!
http://alotus-poetry.livejournal.com
Love the way you fitted this all together, cool as a cucumber!
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