[Fiction] Friday Challenge for January 25, 2008:
Describe a first brush with danger.
Friday 5
cohere, dandelion, immerse, create, glass
Danger had been omnipresent, serpentine in her vicinity
Why hadn’t she recognised signs
Symbols enveloped by deadly intent
Coated with syrupy honey
Too late should be banned, declared passé
She shivered with after effects
Wiping her dry eyes, she resumed her work
Fingers typed furiously so much so that keyboard jarred
Still Immersed in those vitriolic words,
she was unaware of what she was creating
Jumbled prose refused to cohere.
Nonetheless, she continued with mad tapping
Dandelions placed in glass vase wilted by her sombre mood
Her much coveted blue-framed spectacles slipped, shattering to splinters
She picked pieces with her bare hands
Lacerate was inevitable, so was flow of blood
Stinging antiseptic soothed her cut with sweetest of pain
With a detachment befitting a queen, her thoughts were
‘Why is it that mental anguish diminishes physical distress’
17 comments:
Hi Gautami, I didn't think that these five words could be worked into poem. Should have known better, it's you after all.
Many visions here. Starting with the Garden of Eden. Then a bad review at work. Then maybe a boyfriend gone bad. Love the last question.
Have a great weekend my friend.
It never escapes me what a good writer you are. You managed to put those five words into a very descriptive poem. I followed her mental anguish throughout. Have a nice day.
Matter as a state of mind!?:)
that final question is a real poser - medics/scientists may tell us it's a chemical reaction but (like you i suspect) it is far more than that
thank you
That is a question I ask myself all of the time. Superbly written as usual.
hey, this is beautifully written.
Michele sent me to tell you so.
Poor girl. My favorite image from this: wiping her dry eyes. Second-favorite: dandelions in a glass wilting because of her mood.
This was a clever use of the words. I like the image of the dandelions withering with her mood and 'The stinging antiseptic soothed her cut with sweetest pain'.
I'm afraid I have yet to write mine and you are probably in bed!
Hi Gautami,
This was a great read and very nicely written. I look forward to doing this again and reading more of your work.
Way to go, Gautami! Nice use of both prompts!
I enjoyed your morning cup of exsanguinated coffee.
It is a slippery slope we tread on blaming Eve for all of our problems. I suppose that the Ssssserpent had to talk to her because Adam was still a vegetarian and didn't have enough energy to make it to the Tree of Knowledge...oh c'mon...just having a little fun. Eden was in Iraq..can you say irony?
Your Brain burns calories and mental anguish wears out your hard drive...find your happy place.
Are you absolutely certain that every Queen has a sense of detachment from their subjects? I rather fancy Elizabeth..I just wish that she was my Grandmother instead of the Queen.
That would be suh-weet!
very possibly because without the mind,, the body is nothing...
Your writer is a passionate soul. I liked this line best:
Stinging antiseptic soothed her cut with sweetest of pain
It underscores her masochistic tendencies.
Great narrative verse.
You did it again! Fantastic writing. You leave me awestruck.
i love this. very effective.
There is also the reverse - that mental anguish will have a physical manifestation, especially if that anguish is continually repressed or denied?
I shall be ever so careful now on with my blue rimmed specs!!
absolutely loved it ... too late should be banned, declared passé... that was very good... all in the day of the life....
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