I shoulder the sorrow
smile at the faces around me
the chugging train takes me along
my thoughts are miles away
you are gone
I regret not being with you
for the past decade-
brunt of it sits heavy
sudden jerking makes my coffee spill
I hardly feel it seeping through my thighs
when I see you next,
you will be under those stones.
my questions unanswered
lay prone in my mind
my heart is chilly
the train chugs along unmindful
When I get there
no one will know me
if they do,
I will hide from their prying eyes
by drawing into myself
now leave me alone
let me breath through the windows
the cold will deaden me, letting me sleep
"the train will chug along, come what may be'
20 comments:
Trains to me seem one of those few man-made objects that can have a beauty and symbolism as powerful as things found in the natural world.
I like it--but then trains are a metaphor for me...
Dealing with grief by transferring agency to the train: a powerful conceit.
chugging sound of train, synonymous to feelings halted every now and then...:)
sad beautiful poem Gautami!
I like the train journey with its jerks, spilt coffee, reveries and the relentless rhythm which
always seems to conjure up thoughts of this nature.Good one.
The way you use the train is excellent.
This is very touching, I love the feeling it leaves inside, that 'just leave me alone...let me deal' I love it
and I love trains, love their mournful music...and then you have the coffe, it spilled, that might have pissed me off ;)
Hi Gautami,
A melancholy journey but nicely described.
Ohhh, so beautiful. Adore this, dear one. Such strong imagery and evocative emotion. Thank you.
(And irony, irony,irony - I thought when you wrote "chugging train" on my blog, it was a reference to my Hercules. *giggles* who works for the railroad.)
I like the trains mass and momentum, its roughness, as a metaphor for life and how it takes the narrator forcefully and impersonally away. Great use of the words.
from Therese -- Journey poems are so powerful and evocative. In this poem, you are taking a journey to a grave, to meet someone who has died, who has finished the journey before you. Journeys of life, death, memory, regret, sleep, poetry, and song. I wish I knew where the last quoted line came from. What a delicate touch near the end: how the cold will "deaden" you. Beautiful.
I like this line,
when I see you next,
you will be under those stones.
I really like this one with all its symbolism. So sad.
There is something inherently melancholy (in my mind) about trains. And yet, they are imbued with a yearning, as well. Nice work!
Good God, I thought I recognized you in the next car over!
Must you follow me everywhere?
sent by zPod Q-14-812 TSRT
Trains always evoke a sense of sorrow for me. This poem was no different.
Your poem seemed to move in camera angles. I could see the speaker sitting there, then the coffee jerking her out of her thoughts, then she's leaning on the windows, alone with her sorrow. Nicely done.
-Nicole
this chugged along so nicely for me...train are all about sweet memories for me..I left Vancouver on a train when i was 18 for Montreal....then many train trips after. actually I have b een writing a novel (last 5 years)."ON THE TRAIN"..anyways thanks for sharing this and taking me back in time....cheers
Full of wonderful emotions and untold stories, the best kind of poetry. :)
I like the repetition of the chugging, moving miles away like the speaker's thoughts. Very nice metaphor.
I particularly liked "I hardly feel it seeping through my thighs" and how it leads to the journey's purpose.
Post a Comment