Monday, September 24, 2007

shrouded and hushed--Monday Poetry Train

rouge winds blew by a big tree
leaving leaves untouched-

playing hide and seek near the bark
flickering silver at sundown.

where an exhausted bird lay still
in its worn out nest waiting

for her tiny ones to emerge
by cracking the eggshells.

no shadows of prey are seen
over the spread of nude branches.

in a non-descriptive alley-
time waited for moon to emerge

which has shrouded itself
in an uncalled for vow of hush.

Check for more poetry on mondays...

20 comments:

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

oh, i like the play of suspense, dark waiting and thread of hope for that which is not yet born. loved these lines:
"in a non-descriptive alley-
time waited for moon to emerge
which has shrouded itself
in an uncalled for vow of hush"
beautiful!

Lisa Andel said...

It makes me think of life that's a bit dingy, hopeless. With the promise of something better just about to happen.

It's risky, but it's there if you have the patience to wait for it.

Wylie Kinson said...

This is exactly why I don't hop on the Poetry Train too often.
I do wine ditties and you all show me up with REAL poetry!

Brilliant, Guatami. Gorgeous imagery.
My fave line is this:
playing hide and seek near the bark
flickering silver at sundown

Something about the 'flickering silver' gave me shivers.

T.A.Chase said...

Guatami,

wonderful imagery. I love the part about the weary bird waiting for her chicks to hatch. :)

odessa said...

gautami, i love the images evoked with this piece!
"in a non-descriptive alley-
time waited for moon to emerge" --- lovely!

floots said...

love that shrouded moon image
thank you

Jill said...

This makes me thing that fall has started... And that the leaves have change just throught out the weekend!!

Left-handed Trees... said...

Very evocative!
Love,
D.

julia said...

I'm with Wylie - these are my favorite lines:
"rouge winds blew by a big tree
leaving leaves untouched-

playing hide and seek near the bark
flickering silver at sundown."

I love the image of the wind rustling by, yet some leaves remain still. Gives me a sense of protection felt under the cover of the tree canopy. And I really love 'rouge winds'. That gives me an autumn sense, as well.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm getting the same sense of autumn that julia is, yet baby birds are born in the spring. Trees aren't bare in the spring.

So I'm confused as to the time. Add in the fact that there's an austerity to the poem and now I'm thinking winter, with flickering silver at sundown and ... wow. This is really packed and I want to sit and unpack it, but I'm afraid all I'll find at the end is despair and baby birds who died in their eggs.

Lila said...

"in an uncalled for vow of hush."

That is my favorite line.

great poem.

Dewey said...

I have lots of nude branches in my two trees in my front yard in the spring, because the trees are slowly dying.

But maybe this bird laid her eggs and then a cold spell came? While there were still just buds on the trees?

Missy said...

Lovely. These are my favorite lines:
"no shadows of prey are seen
over the spread of nude branches."

Fledgling Poet said...

Your words are like music, and this flowed like a beautiful song.

Ann said...

Lovely images. I loved the lines: "playing hide and seek near the bark/flickering silver at sundown." Beautiful.

/t. said...

vivid
imagery!

/t.

Keshi said...

poignant!

Keshi.

Danika / OpenChannel said...

That's beautiful Gautami! I love the progression of the poem, the line breaks, as well as your word choices.

The ending is quite lovely:

which has shrouded itself
in an uncalled for vow of hush.

(you had me at "rouge winds")

Joy Renee said...

lovely indeed.

the word 'rouge' in the first line coupled with the word 'shroud' in the last lines and the title makes me think of disguises and masks and the way surfaces sometimes seem to be sas insubstantial as veils from behind which Life delights in playing peek-a-boo as a mother with her infant.

Or maybe i've just been reading too much Joseph Campbell recently.

polona said...

great images here to create suspense...