Thursday, March 26, 2009

over the ridges and hard planes

my palm flattens on your chest
fingers fleetingly flutter
synchronizing with your heartbeat
oblivious to me, you sleep on-
supposedly dreaming of me?

your shirt on that chair
half-torn, gently sways
to the fan above, dancing
to the shadows on the wall
from the starlit summer night

my palm moves yet again
over the ridges and hard planes
feeling the warmth of you
sighing, I fall heavily beside you
contented yet unsatisfied

if I could wake the sun up now, I would
on second thoughts, why should I

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks Aila for the italized line.

22 comments:

Whitesnake said...

Very Nicely done!

Serious Black said...

Certianly an entertaining piece!

Jeeves said...

Very nice one:)Last para is very nice.

anthonynorth said...

Beautiful.

jone said...

Love how that first line you chose is the last line. "shadows on the wall from the starlit summer night" -wonderful
I used your first line. Thank you for that.

James said...

I love that 2nd stanza. It's so vivid and in the moment. Lovely.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Ooh, I love this. I can see Mitchell and Kerri playing this scene out...

throwshiswords said...

Beautiful! My favorite love poems are those that stay in the concrete world of observation. The love shows through most in what is seen not in what is said :-)

Linda Jacobs said...

I love the torn shirt and the fan and the palm, and the shadows, and the summer night...okay, I love the whole thing!

Just excellent!

Annamari said...

"my palm flattens on your chest
fingers fleetingly flutter"
I like the f's

SweetTalkingGuy said...

This is good poetry!

Not quite sure what the hard planes are but I hope they're not too naughty.!!

Nicely, nicely!!!

Tumblewords: said...

Exotic. Delicate imagery - strong with yearning - Oh, so nice...

bitchyangel said...

very nice...i liked this..

Janice Thomson said...

Oooh love this Guatami - wonderful expression of feeling in verse three.
Excellent.

angie said...

Very nice! Just makes you think "ahhhh..." ;)

(btw, Gautami! I cannot seem to leave comments at MPTR anymore! I must be caught in the spam filter...)

sage said...

Wow, you've created a powerful image here--and like the object in the poem, I find myself content yet wanting more

Holly Mac said...

This is wonderful. I love the third stanza.

Bone said...

I fall heavily beside you
contented yet unsatisfied


This one is outstanding. Your words put me right there in the midst of the sultry scene.

Wayne Pitchko said...

first line last..I like..nicely done

littlekhargosh said...

in this case, gautami, i wouldn't want to wake the sun up either hehehe...
sexy poem :)

Lori said...

I like the flow of this. It's like you're holding your breath, hoping he's not going to wake up, but actually praying he does. Nicely done!

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

I like this...especially the last stanza. And the torn shirt, the fan, and the shadows dancing together.