my palm flattens on your chest
fingers fleetingly flutter
synchronizing with your heartbeat
oblivious to me, you sleep on-
supposedly dreaming of me?
your shirt on that chair
half-torn, gently sways
to the fan above, dancing
to the shadows on the wall
from the starlit summer night
my palm moves yet again
over the ridges and hard planes
feeling the warmth of you
sighing, I fall heavily beside you
contented yet unsatisfied
if I could wake the sun up now, I would
on second thoughts, why should I
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks Aila for the italized line.
22 comments:
Very Nicely done!
Certianly an entertaining piece!
Very nice one:)Last para is very nice.
Beautiful.
Love how that first line you chose is the last line. "shadows on the wall from the starlit summer night" -wonderful
I used your first line. Thank you for that.
I love that 2nd stanza. It's so vivid and in the moment. Lovely.
Ooh, I love this. I can see Mitchell and Kerri playing this scene out...
Beautiful! My favorite love poems are those that stay in the concrete world of observation. The love shows through most in what is seen not in what is said :-)
I love the torn shirt and the fan and the palm, and the shadows, and the summer night...okay, I love the whole thing!
Just excellent!
"my palm flattens on your chest
fingers fleetingly flutter"
I like the f's
This is good poetry!
Not quite sure what the hard planes are but I hope they're not too naughty.!!
Nicely, nicely!!!
Exotic. Delicate imagery - strong with yearning - Oh, so nice...
very nice...i liked this..
Oooh love this Guatami - wonderful expression of feeling in verse three.
Excellent.
Very nice! Just makes you think "ahhhh..." ;)
(btw, Gautami! I cannot seem to leave comments at MPTR anymore! I must be caught in the spam filter...)
Wow, you've created a powerful image here--and like the object in the poem, I find myself content yet wanting more
This is wonderful. I love the third stanza.
I fall heavily beside you
contented yet unsatisfied
This one is outstanding. Your words put me right there in the midst of the sultry scene.
first line last..I like..nicely done
in this case, gautami, i wouldn't want to wake the sun up either hehehe...
sexy poem :)
I like the flow of this. It's like you're holding your breath, hoping he's not going to wake up, but actually praying he does. Nicely done!
I like this...especially the last stanza. And the torn shirt, the fan, and the shadows dancing together.
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