Saturday, October 03, 2009

holding on my breath

in that misted dawn
lantern of the sun
touches my skin

that first kiss of the day
shows me the way
to face a day, any day

without your presence
that mildest of essence
sends me to a seance

out of my window
my visions lay low
towards the sea I bow

I feel more kisses, so light
from that first light
before it gets dazzling bright

my descent to the concrete
is a follow up for ascent to the sky
I need to get out of that attic more often

31 comments:

Yellow Tulip said...

beautiful dear:)..enjoyed my read;)

sarah haliwell said...

I like this.

keiths ramblings said...

Another gem! How do you do it?!

anthonynorth said...

An original take on the prompt. I like it.

linda may said...

Beautiful, visual and warm.

Michelle Johnson said...

i think a first kiss can transform one's life in ways unimaginable. and then, your ending spruced my thoughts in a new direction. great write. hope all is well.

Jim said...

Golly, now I know why I can't get up and out anymore. I am missing that catalytic kiss of my morning.
This is cute. With the exception of the last verse your rhyme works well. Keeping those is hard with the short lines.
..

Andree said...

I personally loved the connection between kisses and light. What a great thought! (Thank you for your opinion on which haiku.)

Greyscale Territory said...

All very pretty and romantic and light until that concrete (reality?) bites? A slight twist of irony?

swapna said...

Loved the rhyme and the essense of it. Beautiful take on the prompt.

SandyCarlson said...

Light and kiss and hope....And survival out there. I enjoyed this very much.

Sweetest in the Gale said...

I loved this poem...especially the last line, which made me smile.

Loch Rob said...

That first kiss is all it takes for a good day. Nice imagery too.

Leo said...

:) wonderful first kiss!! a gem of a poem!

Lorraine said...

Wow, so moving and bright, strange lol and beautiful

Sue said...

I love the image of the "lantern of the sun" Gautami! Also the idea of descending to start the day -- as if the night time were on a higher plane metaphorically as well as up in the attic!

Maggie said...

Indeed the attic can clutter a person`s visions...loved your awakening.

indicaspecies said...

This poetry brought a smile at this end. Thank you.

Claire said...

i need to spend more time here...

qualcosa di bello said...

your words remind me of morning prayer at dawn, as the first rays bathe the world...& how "re-entry" into the day's mundane can be jarring.

Tammie Lee said...

such a grand first kiss~
Spirithelpers

Tumblewords: said...

It's not good to stay in the attic - glad you can be freed by a kiss. Neat work!

Dee Martin said...

Loved the first verse best, but it was all gorgeous!

DJPare said...

As always my friend, you make me reach out to poetry, which is not my thing, and I am happy for it.

Julia Smith said...

I like this stanza:

'that first kiss of the day
shows me the way
to face a day, any day'

As well as the way you wrap up the poem.

Janice Thomson said...

Liked the surprise ending to this - you always have such original ideas.

sage said...

nicely done--you always seem to have a "hook" at the end of your poems. I was also intrigued by the rhyme scheme--with all but the first and last verses rhyming.

Patois said...

A lovely surprise at the end. Very well done. Thank you.

James said...

I love the way the rhyme falls apart at the end.

Patti said...

Nicely done- very creative use of rhyme!

Just someone said...

That is beautiful!