that card, invisible though it is
where now do I search for it?
my sanity
who now is a total stranger
swirls in and out
would it stay or come out-
when now?
unsound cavities in my teeth
rattle rapidly like windowpanes
my painful gut
searches for that invisible card
with your numbers on it
I limit myself
& stretch my vocal chords
which renders it fallow
20 comments:
oh girl, I get that...let me know if it really exists ;)
An excellent treatment.
nicely done:)..keep it up:)
i got the feeling that this was anexiety of loosing a phone number of a love... with all it's complexity.
if so I hope it is found.
sometimes, when old cards with phone numbers and memories and all that fades is for the best, for we can fiond ourselves again...
well done, love the ending...
Love this line:
"my sanity
who now is a total stranger
swirls in and out"
Oh man! I know what that feels like... This was a great look into the abyss.
Terrific imagery. I'm particularly drawn to 'sanity - who is now a total stranger...' Enjoyed this!
"...unsound cavities in my teeth
rattle rapidly like windowpanes..."
I love these lines - such imagery!
brilliant!!
This was intense, and beautifully written!
Terrific verb choices and multisensory imagery. Almost sane, but not quite.
nicely done ! :)
A nicely done piece...
Running around in circles, yes, I have been in this place --- a very creative write.
I am not sure I would recognize my sanity if I met it in broad day light...it has been a stranger for so long.:)
I enjoyed this read.
I had to read this a couple of times - it touched so deeply
The last 3 lines .. is just awesome!
As if in a dream…...‘Sanity,…..a total stranger’ loved that one,
‘& stretch my vocal chords
which renders it fallow’
fantastic imagery.
I have been there...I used to say "Please tell me where I can find peace." Now I know the card will be found but not before a soulful search is conducted. Do not be sad...the world can feel your angst.
b
Thank you for your comment.
Oh the elusive contact...i like how cavities rattle.
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