Wednesday, October 28, 2009

the waiting

when a distant whistle sounded,
there was a shuffling of feet on the platform.
The night express slowed down
a burly man with the dishevelled red beard
walked swiftly up the platform
toward the approaching train,
uncovering his head as he went.
the group of men behind him
each one letting his thoughts incubate,
glanced questioningly at one another,
a few of them climbed in
a coffin was got out of its rough box
and down on the snowy platform.
not a word was exchanged
one who had come with the body,
looked about him helplessly.
The man with the red beard
stepped up and stooped
took hold of one of the handles of the coffin
opened it to face his nightmare

"when something exploded on his face
it took more than his vanity and his red beard"


Thom Gabrukiewicz said...

hauntingly vibrant.


anthonynorth said...

An explosive ending, there.

Anonymous said...

very haunting, definately a step out of the ordinary for you eh?

Daily Panic said...

vengence of the dead? spooky.

Zouxzoux said...

Ewwww! Didn't expect that ending. Great job!!

Tumblewords: said...

Wow - strong twist. Nice.

Mads... said...

heyy..nice read..!!! blend of spookiness..:)

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Terrific imagery and buildup, and not at all the ending I expected. You've been reading ThomG too much! ;)

lissa said...

mysterious and haunting, like some mystery novels

when the musics over said...

A nightmare well supported by the dream-like atmosphere you have painted.

Linda Jacobs said...

I like how you begin with the sounds. I often forget to include those. They really make the poem come alive!

PJD said...

Verrrrry interesting. I love the pacing and voice in this. Anticipation and tentativeness, foreboding. And the boom at the end. Very clean; I like it a lot.

Anonymous said...

the sounds set the stage, then there was motion, a pause and an explosion. Very good take on the prompt.

Jeeves said...

Wow....How do you pull this interesting ones every time