Thursday, October 22, 2009

Terza Rima: psychedelic pajamas



those summer months added to woes-

quenching that thirst, eating until sate,
nothing much to do in hunger’s throes.

enhanced girth cannot be taken as fate;
image faithfully mirrored brings lows-
sense of unworthiness has added to hate.

much loved printed, psychedelic pajamas
do not fit any more. determined I yank
those up with a huff, looking like a llama.

jolted out by that representation akin a tank-
pictures in my mind move in slowly; drama
enacted of other unknown horrors. frank

self-appraisal does yield results. vigorously
I start exercise regime. one hour jogging,
half hour yoga, dietary habits rigorously

changed. with good metabolism, dogging
is not too bad. better that than self-flogging!

27 comments:

anthonynorth said...

Loved the ending.

rallentanda said...

Oh,this is such a good poem! It
has put a big smile on my face. The Petrarchan is more difficult than this.Love the psychedelic pyjamas and weight gain story.I'm going to read this again.You've got all the rhythm right as well.I'm jealous...am going to do another one right now!

Julie Jordan Scott said...

so engaging and amusing. What a fantabulous job....I am impressed you took on metrical verse with this technique. Kudos cubed.

Paul Oakley said...

What deft treatment! What poise, Gautami!

I particularly like the second stanza. And the pajamas/ llama/ drama rhyme. Very nice.

Bill said...

midday sun
a new bulge
in my shadow

briarcat said...

how you managed to get from random to this astounds me. this is so cool, funny and down-to-earth. love the title

Derrick said...

Hi Gautami,

I think I should take some of the advice in this! Great rhyme.

Donald Harbour said...

Gautami,
This conjures up feverish efforts on my part to halt the march of an expanding shoreline. I did like the form you used and the intent the words registered. Good.
Regards,
DH

davidmoolten said...

Dante would be jealous. Great use of the form, which is tough to do in English (as opposed to Italian). And you work in nice variation in the sentence length and enjambments which give this nice texture.

Yellow Tulip said...

beautiful dear... enjoyed my read

mark said...

Great climax in those last lines..

Cynthia Short said...

Very good! I liked how you were able to take such a modern subject and put it into the more formal, rhyming scheme. Your take on being overweight was quite witty and true!

Linda said...

A difficult assignment, a difficult form and the cream always rises to the top. This is a wonderful poem, Gautami. I like that you not only write great poems but you are looking after yourself. Thanks for sharing.

Zouxzoux said...

Delightful! What woman can't relate to your words?

"much loved printed, psychedelic pajamas
do not fit any more. determined I yank
those up with a huff, looking like a llama."

I had to laugh....my much loved abstract pink n white jammies don't fit me anymore.

LOVED this!

Tumblewords: said...

This was so fine - funny and formed to perfection. It's full of life. And because of this I'm committed to psychedelic nightgowns.

sage said...

Nicely done, Gautami

bearlyaudible said...

"Hunger's throes..." Decidedly got my interest right to begin. And yes, seems we all love the pajama llamas! Good account of a dangerous topic.

Irene said...

Amazing! You hang something in the closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

Lorraine said...

Wow I love how original your dieting tips are...beats any magazine article, love it...brilliant!

RBroeker said...

Good poem with good rhymes, and of course I find myself in it very heavily. (Weight is not just a woman's theme ;-) .

Best wishes
Ralf

Wayne Pitchko said...

nice done...wasnt sure ab out the new bulge though......reminded me of my bulging disk last year...pain ful....thnaks for sharing

Nathan said...

"Psychedelic pyjamas" -- what a great phrase. I enjoyed this.

Amity Me said...

this is my second Terza Rima that I've read...:) i like it, i mean, easier to write like other forms of poetry...:)

the first one was at Leo's Figments of Imagination...:)

i may try to write one someday, but not so soon...:)

i've bookmarked you....:)

do come by my place sometime...:)

nice day to you...:)

angie said...

oh, you made me smile!

well done!!

throwshiswords said...

you really stepped up to this challenge, nicely done!

ps Thanks for visiting my blog :-)

Anonymous said...

from Therese Broderick -- Like David, I think of Dante when I see terza rima. Now, which circle of Hell was over-eating? This was a lot of fun. Probably every poet has a secret pair of psychedelic pajamas! :)

vidya said...

funny & good one..brought me back the memories of summer holidays when on food we gorged, then rigorously exercised:D