I look above the sky
searching for your face
looking down,
I itch and scratch
stomping my feet
on the ground. don't you know
if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more. to you.
why the hell did I walk
in this heat on the tarred road?
why did I let your words fool me
now my shoes are stuck.
with a false smile on my face
I keep cursing you
and I gotta tell you
if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more. to you.
to have a last look at you
to make you squirm
under my gaze
to shake you from your stupor
wiping your gloating smile
happily watch you disintegrate
if I didn’t have rocks in my shoes
I’d run more. from you.
*******
Here the refrain line is courtsey of deb
The Bop:
First stanza, six lines presenting a situation, event, or problem.
Two line refrain.
Second stanza, eight lines, expanding on the first stanza.
Two line refrain.
Third stanza, six lines, resolving or concluding the poem.
Two line refrain.
28 comments:
I love this! Wow, the images are so crisp and your emotion really comes through!
BTW, I fixed the Mr. linky and added your link. Sorry!
I don't know what to say, G, except I really adored this.
oh! i love this so!
beautiful!
You are so imaginative, an original, for sure ;)
I just loved this:)
I like this bop form. I like how you use the repetition, too.
Wow, this is terrific! I think I'll leave bopping to the experts like you, and save my bopping for the dance floor!
I must say the imagery of this poem is pretty strong. Nice one!
Nicely done gautami. I liked the refrain :-)
The change from "to you" to "from you" in the last stanza: that makes this poem zing!
Another clever one. Marvellous.
I love the repetition in this form and the way you worked with it. I could feel the strong emotion from your words. Excellent!
Thanks for stopping by. I agree with your comment.
Wow, Gautami! You took the refrain and really ran with it (sorry for the cliche' but I couldn't help myself!)
Terrific imagery that works so well with the form. It's fun to read! (And thanks for using those lines. It was a pleasure to read them in this poem! Now they are yours. My original is http://stoneymoss.org/2009/01/02/imitation-as-collaboration/ as the last lines.)
Really like this one!:)
Pretty good job on this one!
Love the repetition and the twist in the final refrain - not sure about the conclusion line 'happily watch you disintergrate' though, as it has a sadistic finality to it. Phew!
*distingrate?
All that torment, but you had the last laugh.
Great stuff - sings, zings and takes wing...
This is wonderful! Cleverly done!
very nice work! by the way, I like the old picture better. :)
i loved this!,outstanding!
cool example of a bop! good for you!
interesting !!have to try it !!
I like this. Good use of the refrain.
Tami, this is just great. I'm afraid that I did it wrong.
Your images are great stuff. well done my friend.
I like the shift in the refrain at the end and how it makes me wonder if the rocks could be just an excuse.
This is really cool Guatami! The repetition is perfect. Love the twist at the end!
the turn in the last refrain really nails this
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